I grew up in a region not unlike that still seen in many Eastern Indian communities.
"Indian culture is highly homosocial and displays of affection, body contact and the sharing of beds between men is socially acceptable (Kahn, 1994) This creates opportunities for sexual contact, though sexual behavior in this context is rarely seen as real sex, but as play. This same-sex sexual activity begins in adolescence between school friends and within family environments and is non-penetrative. Young men who cultivate such relationships do not consider themselves to be 'homosexual' but conceive their behavior in terms of sexual desire, opportunity and pleasure…" (Asthana and Oostvogels, 2001: 712)."
I lived in North America. From the age of 12, I discovered a level of intimacy with certain male friends that we knew was more "private" & needed to be handled with total discretion - never even hinted of outside of the company of the guys involved. "Fags" were men who acted like females & took 'it' up the tailpipe. None of us fit that description & nobody who "might" possibly be amicable to either tendency ever saw the inner dynamics of our group. "Nerds & sissies" were completely excluded & it seemed like those of us involved with each other knew the 'dangers' of being implicated with either (effeminate men or those who did the arse-nasty).
When I was 17, I moved to a more "urbanized" region. The atmosphere there was very different from where's I'd come from & homophobia was a stifling threat that gave every guy pause in regard to how he carried himself in public.
However, being 17, I soon directed my efforts to making friends & seeing how deep I could get the relationships to go. Because I was athletic, aggressive & good looking, -friends were not difficult to make. Getting them to "loosen up" was a bit more of a challenge. However, once I did manage to bed a buddy, -& he saw that the act didn't cause his dick to shrivel or make him grow tits - the friendship usually ramped up to what I was used to. Our behavior wasn't considered "gay" by any of us once the arse-plug'n distinction was established (seeing that we didn't go there). It wasn't unusual for guy to talk about women -even while still cuddling with his buddy. The perception was that the friendship was different than that with a woman. Indeed, it was.
And there was never any cheap-talk where a guy was seen or referred to as a 'piece of tail'. To have diminished the nature of one M2M friend/relationship was to have cheapened them all & put them on par with how "gay" relationships were perceived: cheap, petty, disposable, uncommitted (Ironically - that is the same light lots of guys see relationships with woman as being)! It was an amazing & wonderful thing: To be free from the lies about "the gays owning all M2M intimacy". Generally, these friendships weren't "monogamous" or exclusive, -but neither were they cheap, disposable hookups. Although I don't remember a week of different guys in bed every night, -I do recall weeks where there were 3-4 (only 1 per night, though). These were good friends who show up at any hour & eventually climb into the sack. The progression from close physical contact to sexual was generally of the same pattern that occurred over time: A buddy would get comfortable being massaged, disrobed & eventually I'd discover a guy sporting wood - at which time I'd take steps to work the tension out of 'it'. "Gay" was rapidly defined as "playing the female role" & since none of us did that, - we saw ourselves simply as 'buds with benefits'. And love - did we love each other in the most respectful & heartfelt ways. It wasn't possessive, clingy or selfish -- but open, accepting & full of the knowledge that women were a natural part of most guys lives too - but as a different form of relationship. A best-friend was someone who knew & accepted that life's currents may occasionally move a friend in different directions & if that was a friend's choice -- then so be it. That perspective is one of the ways we saw ourselves as different from "gays" (who it seemed - oddly wanted a male/female dynamic to exist between men).
And while the world of porn showcased sexuality with all of the tact of a jackhammer screwing a tube of grease; --0ur interactions, by comparison, were so subdued that I've actually pulled it off in a hotel - sharing a bed with a buddy when the other bed was shared by 2 people who didn't have a clue what was going on right beside them. I've got some lofty standards for the guys I share the sack with -so most of my buds are good look'n, masculine guys - well built; -- & I work out too.
One of the most sensual & attractive aspects of intimacy with a masculine guy was the dimension of trust. Well developed men have the ability to literally kill with their bare hands because of the strength & ability to fight using precision movement. It is a personal accomplishment & statement of character to develop a deep, trusting friendship with a man who is by nature of an aggressive personality. Building such a friendship is not like meeting Mr. Rogers while skipping thru his "won't you be mine" neighborhood. Fred was probably a nice guy --but for a plutonic friendship. His spiked-hair, football playing nephew "Todd" who get's D's in English & can't articulate his feelings with little more than a grunt & shrug -- is more along my line of "attractive". "Todd" - whoever he may be - is generally not dumb, but extremely right-brained (often with a equalizing weakness on the left side). Such men are generally more instinct-driven & not given to vindictive or pretensive behavior because they lack the faculty to predict conversation's directions. "Strong & silent" - because the left hemisphere (verbal) is out in the cold as to the inner thoughts that drive these guys. I find the traits to be an attractive challenge to build trust & intimacy with. The goal is always the same: To develop a rock-solid friendship -extended family that finds comfort in the bedroom as well as unconditional love & support without. And time after time I have discovered that many of these guys are open to g0ycentric relationships while loudly opposing the spectre of gay-genderfuck.
It was while I was at my second high-school that I began to notice, what I call: "The Faggot Influence". This happened to some guys who - for whatever reason, believed that their attraction for hott guys was exclusive to themselves and the "gay minority". There was a guy named "Dale" that I wanted to ramp-up the friendship level with, -but before I could get him into my core group of friends, -he "came out" as "gay" & joined the school's gay support thingy. By the end of the year, the guy was a major "fag" who had morphed into a girl-like persona who was all lisps & rainbows. I mention him because by his junior year in college, he was HIV+ -no doubt from giving/taking 'it' up the tailpipe. In contrast: I've never had an STD & the few "close" fiends who caught something - got it from a woman! The "FAGS" are quite a different story ... consistently, predictably.
And, yeah - I know that the use of the term "FAG" is massively politically incorrect, - however it was/IS a term used as a knee-jerk reaction by adolescent guys who are not interested in tempering their visceral gut reactions with politically-corrected terminology. Men know by INSTINCT (say "INSTINCT") that gender-nonconforming men are creepy. And CREEPY is an actual emotion. Understanding this is essential. CREEPY things are perceived that way because there is an ambiguous set of signals that the brain interprets as potentially dangerous and borderline disgusting. And this perception is NOT open to negotiation because it is a visceral reaction. And in many cases, it's often a life-preserving visceral reaction. So before the priests of political correctness lecture us about using "mean-language", -there needs to be some investigation on their part (especially if they're a proponent of evolution) into the overall society-protective benefits of using hard, offensive language to label/flag the creepy.
So, having seen this happen to a number of guys - I've reached the conclusion that the "gay" community is it's own worst enemy. It is also a devastating source of bad education, misinformation & blatant lies. Even worse is the fact that it cannot self-censor, so it continually speaks contradictory messages all given in the name of "gaydom". It is a social Clusterfuck! Any naive guy who believes that he's part of "that minority" & joins them -- very often takes on all of the "gay mantras" - including an informal education about "gay sex" - ButtPlunging. The irony is that it's a subculture built on a series of lies about male sexuality and the guys who get snared into it are those who didn't say "no" to perilous stupidity. The saddest commentary is when groups like our peer-group get exposed and the FAGS want to "declare our's as their's". This provides fodder for the "gay mantra" that insists that "some athletes are even 'gay'". Of course, "gay", when used like that means, "Likes his own gender". However, we all know that the term gay (by extension) really means, "Likes to ass-fuck own gender". Everyone knows that's the stereotype. What makes the stereotype reality is that the predominant gay media showcases it as the defining "gay sex act". Gay's ARE Ass-Fuckers. It's their collective ASSertion. It is also the hallmark of a guy who has completely bankrupted his masculine ethos. Fags spread injury, disease & death better than any other demographic on the planet via the ass-fuck. Our group, didn't. And if that dynamic doesn't illustrate the paramount distinctions between GAY/G0Y, -then go find a willing arse & keep a proctologist on speed-dial beside the number for the VD-treatment clinic.
One thing that my buds & I share is a love & respect for each other that goes beyond mere words. I cannot fathom a group so devoid of a moral conscience that it would encourage its members to participate in acts that rip the ass out of its members (quite literally) or give their partners a banquet of fuck'n diseases from AIDS to worms! And the test that fags now get -that for years was something only women got: A Pap-smear! How fuck'n 'masculine' is needing a Pap-smear! WTF!
And then there are the Fags who insist that if you don't give/take it up the ASS -that you're Not really "GAY". Let's watch them debate that opinion with the "GAYS" who say that simply liking the same sex makes you "GAY".
"No they're not!"
I can already visualize the purses & high-heels flying. Like I said: "Social Clusterfuck".
G0YS bring clarity & sanity to a group of men who know the difference between loving their buddies vs. ass-fuckers. The latter have no conscience -hence no inability to temper their behavior despite decades of blatant evidence that shows how destructive the butt-fuck is. Bad company corrupts good character; -& that principle is why more G0YS need to call it as it is - while spreading the message that there is a distinct choice for guys who love their buds while feeling an aversion away from "gay".
Lots of guys are literally dying to hear the G0Y message!
G0YS: Clarity, Sanity, Moral-Distinction!