If you're a 'Bi' - guy, not into anal, - you're G0Y too!
|Many people are 100% drawn sexually and
emotionally only to partners of the same sex. Others are completely
"heterosexual", bonding in sexual and intimate relationships only with
people of another sex.
But what about everybody else? A significant percentage of people do not fit neatly into either of these categories, because they experience sexual and emotional attractions and feelings for people of different genders at some point during their lives. For lack of a better term, they are called bisexuals, although, many people prefer to call themselves “pansexual”, “non – preferential”, “sexually fluid”, “ambisexual” or “omni – sexual”.
The Kinsey scale
People at three on the scale are approximately equally attracted to both men and women. People at four and five on the Kinsey Scale choose primarily same-sex partners, but are not completely gay or lesbian and have some heterosexual tendencies and relationships as well.
Who is bisexual?
Alternating bisexuals: may have a relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship and many go back to a male partner next.
Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.
Concurrent relationship bisexuals: have primary relationship with one gender only but have other casual or secondary relationships with people of another gender at the same time.
Conditional bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but will switch to a relationship with another gender for financial or career gain or for a specific purpose, such as young straight males who become gay prostitutes or lesbians who get married to men in order to gain acceptance from family members or to have children.
Emotional bisexuals: have intimate emotional relationships with both men and women, but only have sexual relationships with one gender.
Integrated bisexuals: have more than one primary relationship at the same time, one with a man and one with a woman.
Exploratory bisexuals: either straight or gay/lesbian, but have sex with another gender just to satisfy curiosity or “see what it’s like”.
Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily heterosexual but engage in gay or lesbian sex only when under the influence of drugs and / or alcohol.
Isolated bisexuals: 100% straight or gay / lesbian now but has previously had sexual experiences with another gender in the past.
Latent bisexuals: completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior, but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.
Motivational bisexuals: straight women who have sex with other women only because a male partner insists on it to titillate him.
Transitional bisexuals: temporarily identify as bisexual while in the process of mowing from being straight to being gay or lesbian, or going from being gay or lesbian to being heterosexual.
Many of these people might not call themselves bisexual, but because they are attracted to and have relationships with both men and women, they are in fact bisexual.
While literally millions of people are bisexual, most keep their sexual orientation secret, so bisexual people as a group are nearly invisible in society. Gay men and lesbian women have long recognized the need to join together, create community, and to organize politically. Long years of hard work have led to significant gains in political and human rights, as well as a visible and thriving gay and lesbian community.
Bisexual people have been much slower to come out of the closet, create community, and form political and social networks to gain visibility and political and social networks to gain visibility and political clout. Many bisexual people have spent decades working in gay and lesbian organizations, and in recent years, bisexuals have become more accepted as part of the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender community. However, the rigid dichotomy between gay and straight has caused many bisexuals to feel alienated and rejected by gay men and lesbian women, and in recent years many independent bisexual political and social groups have sprung up.
Bisexuals suffer more from social isolation
Many gay men feel that bisexual men are really gay, that they are just in denial about being gay, and that they should “just get over it.” Many straight men are homophobic and hate and fear both bisexual and gay men, often victimizing them with harassment and physical violence.
Many straight women reject bisexual men out of misguided fears that they have Aids and admonish them to “stop sitting on the fence and make up their minds”. Bisexual women are often distrusted by lesbians for “sleeping with the enemy,” hanging onto heterosexual privileges through relationships with men and betraying their allegiance to women and feminism. Straight women often reject bisexual women out of fear they will make sexual overtures and try to “convert” them to being bisexual.
Bisexuality an authentic sexual orientation
Both models see bisexuality as a temporary experience or a “phase” born out of confusion rather than an authentic sexual orientation equally as valid as heterosexuality or homosexuality. Some people see bisexuality as inherently subversive because it blurs the boundaries, confronting both heterosexuals and gay men and lesbian women with sexual ambiguity.
As a result, bisexuality challenges concepts of sexuality, traditional relationship and family structures, monogamy, gender and identity. Bisexuals cannot conform to the ethics of either the gay or straight world or they would not be bisexual. Instead they must re-invent personal lifestyles and relationships that serve their needs even though they don’t fit anyone else’s rules.
Bisexuals must invent their own identity
Stages of Bisexual identity:
1. Confusion over sexual orientation.
Many go through life identifying as straight or gay/lesbian in order to be accepted and make sense of their sexual orientation. Because their own experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense external pressure to choose one and identify with it. Without any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient self – confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually transcend this stage.
2. Discovery of the bisexual label and choosing to identify as
3. Setting into and maintaining a bisexual identity.
4. Transforming adversity.
Many also get involved in bisexual political organizations as a way to increase bisexual visibility and promote bisexuality as a viable identity. Just as gay men and lesbians were only able to win some rights through fighting in both the social and political arenas, bisexuals will only win political and human rights through coming out of the closet and developing political clout.
What does this mean for you?
One-to-one counseling or therapy can also be helpful in sorting out feelings and gaining clarity and self – confidence. Be careful to seek out a non – judgmental therapist who is supportive of bisexuality and has expertise in bisexual issues. And joining bisexual social or political groups is also a great way to see visible role models and to allow your bisexual identity to evolve in a way that fits you. And last, but certainly not least, there are now many excellent books on bisexuality, which help you understand and fully embrace your sexual orientation. - (Dr Elna McIntosh, Health24 sexologist)
Article excerpted from Health 24...