It was a 2nd hand, white Chevy van. I can't seem to find any other photos of it. The memories are still vivid. It had been donated to the church I attended as a teenager. Like lots of guys - I knew I was into guys - young - at 12 years old. I kept it under control. My parents "church" was majorly anti-fagg. We were all told about "sodomites" & Romans chapter 1 & the other few Scriptures that fundies take way out of context to just to prove that you can be 90% right & still spiritually dead. It took me a few years of studying for myself - but I have a good head on my shoulders. By the age of 15, I had little idea what Bible my denomination was reading. It sure didn't seem to be the ones in the back of the pews. Oh, about that van...
It turned out that an interior light didn't work. I'm so glad; -- Was more glad - back then, of course. I'm getting ahead of myself again. I was a teen & doing a good job of playing the 'str8-card'. I've read it so many times now from different people that I figure this g0y thing is true from the sheer similarity of the accounts. Well, - it was mine too. Like so many, I spent time in the gym - into gymnastics & working out so I'd be better at gymnastics. A few years had passed since I "made the shocking discovery" about myself. Dating didn't help anything except my 'image'. Where was the most boring place on earth? As far as I was concerned - the female locker room. Yawn.
Well, a new family moved to town & begin to attend our church. They had a kid - Shane. He was a few months younger than me & into wrestling (& working out so that he'd be a better wrestler). He was 5'9" tall with dark brown hair (that bleached like crazy in the sun) & blue eyes set in thick bushy brows. He had no more than 5% body fat - like me, & he had these big muscles that clung to his strong frame - like me. The way he moved was fluid & hunky. His voice was soft, gentle & deep. I suspected the guy probably pissed pure testosterone. In his presence - my pulse jumped way too high to be safe. The first time we met - he seemed nice, but with a hint of nervousness. Me too.
We met at church (yup). I was sitting at the back & his family came in a few minutes late - so he sat beside me. The sermon was about resisting temptation. With the new kid sitting beside me - looking like he did dressed up -- I had no idea why anyone would want to resist temptation. I decided that I was gonna become best friends with this guy. In retrospect, it was love at first sight - but nobody had ever told me it was real or how it could snag your entire being.
It's a hard thought process - when you think that you're the only person on the planet who has the intense feelings you have. See, after 2 minutes of knowing Shane - I was in love. He consumed my thoughts - every day. I went out of my way to make him feel important - special - wanted (all in a subdued guy way that didn't draw attention). He returned the favor be becoming a great friend. But, in my thinking - he was just being a "friend", & yet, - I was hoping for a best-friend in every possible way. The church had a camp 1500 miles north-east of us that it used to do teen retreats every year during the dog-days of summer in July. There were 10 other branch churches that used it too. 2-weeks of lakeside fun & 6 days of travel (3 to & 3 from). It cost $299 to go. I saved $600 - just to make sure my buddy was able to. As it turned out - Shane didn't have the money. When I found out, I purchased a $299 money order & mailed it to the church with a note (unsigned) that read: "This money is to help that nice young man - Shane - go to church camp this year." - Anon That was the best money I ever spent.
Neither Shane nor anyone else knew I was the one who sent it. All he knew was that someone wanted him to attend "church" camp. The pastor showed him the note that week & Shane called me to let me know the good news. I played dumb but happy for him. 3 days before the trip - Shane got a job laying carpet w. his uncle. He almost killed himself from what he told me - but made over $150 in those 3 days. At least he'd have spending money.
The trip to camp is devastating. I always say it takes almost 2 days to recover from the 3 day trip. The van holds 11 - but there were 10 of us: 4 guys, 4 girls & the youth leader + his wife. There were (3) motel stops planned on the trip. We would drive mostly at night because of the better conditions. We showed up at the church at 7PM & were on the road by 8PM. The first 5 hours went ok - but people began to run out of things to talk about. Shane & I were in the very back of the van & we both began to get really tired at about 3AM. We unpacked a blanket & put it across us. Since the rear seat is longer - & spans the back of the van; - I suggested to Shane that we could lay down if we overlapped our legs. He agreed - so we did exactly that - each with a leg over the other's inner thigh over the crotch & one on the outside. Since we'd had our shoes off for hours - there wasn't a gross foot smell issue or anything. Dry socks. Clean feet. Stud guys.
I've got a thing for a guy's feet, - yeah: Some guy's feet. Wide, strong with good symmetry. Skinny, girlie toes are a turn off, - but shorter - wider, strong stud-toes on a wide upper foot; - Man! ... what a place to start exploring the rest of the package! It was dark, but in a friendly manner, I had each of Shane's feet lightly in the grip of a hand - with bent arms around his lower legs to keep them snugly together - against me. He echoed back the lack of concern of me hugging his lower legs - by him holding my legs in the same manner. In my light grip, I took stock of the shape of his feet beneath his socks. I was totally turned on. The guy was a stud - from head to toe (& I was holding his toes & positioned to make the judgment). In an act of boldness - I applied a firm but gentle squeeze on each foot. Shane was quiet - but I could feel the air leave his lungs as he exhaled in appreciation of the feeling. I repositioned my hands just a bit & gave him another squeeze. The same quiet gush of air out of him let me know he really enjoyed the feeling. I moved down some close to his heels & gave a firm squeeze. As before, the air quickly rushed from his lungs in a quiet burst of subdued approval. His hands gently squeezed my feet in response. On a love scale of 1-10, I was at 12 & my dick was rock hard under his knee. I hoped my khakis shorts would restrain it enough to escape being noticed. Shane was wearing khakis too. Slowly I squeezed my way up over his ankles to his calf's. The guy was in massage-heaven. He'd flinch occasionally as he neared the precipice of sleep - but caught himself before going over. He'd occasionally give my feet a gentle squeeze - but he was too tired from all those square feet of carpet to follow thru with the motion I was using on his. Moving my hands slowly down from his lower legs, I caught the lip of both socks in my thumbs & as I moved - inch by inch - squeezing firmly along the way, - his socks slid down & revealed the strong & slightly furry legs underneath. Although, at his ankles - the hair thinned out & only soft skin was underneath. As I neared his heel with the bunched up sock under each of my thumbs, Shane weakly pointed his toes toward me - an invitation to pull the socks completely off over his feet. As I slowly pulled the cloth wrappers away from his conquered peds, he slid his hands up to the lips of my socks & slid them down & off from me too.
I was blown away. My heart pounded inside my chest as if I was running a sprint. I could hardly believe that a guy as sexy as Shane was cuddling with my feet & had just slid my socks off. I resumed slowly rubbing his feet - but now applied some very soft scratching with my firm squeezes. The slow, gentle scratching over the sides of his feet & under his toes caused Shane to slowly respond by moving his feet side to side & bending his ankles - pointing his feet downward - more towards my face as reflexes slowly spread & spasm'd his toes in response to the feelings, -- but overall, he was bliss'n out. In his tiredness, he was still holding my feet & would give them an occasional squeeze with his lightly calloused hands. Eventually, he began to flinch more & more as his grip on my feet relaxed. I'd put him in dreamland with a foot massage.
With my fingers, I gently caressed & learned every curve from his hairless ankles to fuzzy toe-tops. I soaked in the sensual strength of the foundations of this stud. He'd occasionally flinch or softly moan from his sleep. The combination of sensations of having his strong muscular bare legs across me with his bare feet in my hands - added to the flexes, twitches & his overall reflexes - it took about 15 minutes & my dick relieved itself of it's wriggling payload inside the upper corner of my underwear on my right thigh. After sploog'n, I was able to evaluate the moment in less intense terms. I loved the feel of the strong legs in my embrace & the trust of my buddy across my body. I knew that in the short time we'd known each other - that we'd crossed a deeper friendship threshold.
During the night, we both turned on our sides - facing the seat back. I awoke in the late morning to the sensation of my left leg pressed between the seat & Shane - & ten fingers gently rubbing it & stroking along my bare foot. I pretended to be asleep - but would occasionally tighten my calf some to point my toes - or I'd spread them -- depending on the feelings. I still had Shane's legs in my embrace - so I'd cuddle into them some too. The underside of my knee was pressed against Shane's crotch. I realized that was the position - when I felt a hard throb from there. My heart picked up the pace when I realized that Shane was hormone raging up against me. Still feigning sleep, I'd occasionally flinch or seem to react to the light touches to my foot. Shane slowly ground his crotch against my leg & every so often, I felt the unmistakable throbs of his amorous man-tool. It didn't take long before his breathing picked up & he gripped my leg a little tighter as he ground his crotch in harder with a greater sense of urgency. Eventually, I felt his crotch focus it's hard muscular throbs against my leg - timed apart by almost a second as his orgasm'n dick spit its love-streamers against my hamstring with just his shorts between the two. Knowing this was happening to him, - next to me, - set my dick off nearly instantly. So there we were - pretending to sleep & emptying our nuts in each other's cuddle on our way to "church camp". Seemed ironic back then (& yeah -we've made jokes about it) - but the fact was/is that it's unreasonable (& unScriptural) to expect guys to remain inactive sexually for very long after puberty. Everyone knew this +4000 years ago, but modern society is messed up in the head (I'm digressing).
About 30 minutes later, we pulled into Pancake Heaven. Everybody had put in a few hours sleep - except maybe the youth leaders (driving). They wanted breakfast & then a hotel a few hours from now. Shane & I grinned as we helped each other put our socks back on beneath the blanket as we pretended to be groggy. At 1 PM, we checked into a Motel-8 & got two rooms. We were split - girls in one room, guys in the other. The youth leaders had bed rolls -so they each slept on the floor in their respective rooms & allowed the beds to be shared 2-up. The guys room was on the east side of the motel. I pulled the thick double blinds & the place was dark. Shane & I 'casually' decided to share the bed farthest from the bathroom. This is so the other guys wouldn't be walking by us if they needed to use the john. After a shower & teeth scrubbing, we prepared to hit the 'hay'. I made sure to put a stroke of scented DO on my pits & below my navel. Shane & I each got into "our" bed wearing cut-off sweat pants & tank tops. The youth leader had a devotional & talked about loving others & being kind to show our faith. I found the topic interesting & decided to put my faith into practice as soon as the lights were out & people were 'sawing logs'. Shane & I played it so smoothly - like we'd been friends forever. We both had these incredibly warm & passionate feelings down inside for each other - but knew the dangers of letting anyone in on the fact that we intended to bond in a pool of wriggling DNA fragments.
Eventually, the lights were out. Jokes & some questions were exchanged. Shane's hand found mine & we slowly interlocked fingers & tightened our grip beneath the blankets as we waited for everyone else to nod off. The leader was out first. It took about 30 minutes before we could hear the breathing shift from the other two guys as they slept. The room was so dark that nobody would have guessed that it was light outside. Divine providence ... obviously. I slid my free hand over to Shane's torso & turned toward him as I wrapped myself around his upper body. He returned the embrace. "Let's get these clothes off & under the pillows.", I whispered very, very softly. We slowly began to undress each other - barely making a sound. It took well over a minute to work our tops off. Getting our shorts off was easier because we each pulled the other's down & then used our feet to slowly slide them off all the way. We moved them to under our pillows for quick access.
Reconnecting with Shane's naked body was wonderful beyond words. He was warm & muscular with a beautiful hard penis that throbbed his feelings for me - making his whole body stiffen as it did too. On our sides - face to face & quiet as a mouse, we hugged & slowly cuddled until our coupling dicks each shot a volley of thick man-sauce that coated them & our lower abs; - & then slowly ran down to the bottom sheet as the emission gradually thinned. Over the next 90 minutes - we held each other like that & popped 2 more times. Shane was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen & he was softly cuddling naked with me - giving me the most beautiful experience I'd ever had. After a while, - we quietly got our shorts back on & each took a piss before returning to the bed & undressing again. I honestly don't remember how many times we each shot that 1st day in bed. It was enough that my sore cock wanted a short vacation the next morning (I figured 20 minutes of vacation should do). I'd never been turned on as much or as long as I was with Shane. The raw sex appeal the guy oozed made my dick reload in record time between rounds. However - it was that awesome bond between us that grew every time we'd get off. I can't put in writing how much love I had for the guy - even in the moments after just splooging the contents of my scrotum. I wanted to be with him -& couldn't imagine ever being apart again.
At 10:PM, we were scheduled to get up. By that time, Shane & I had managed to fall asleep - rolled to opposite sides of the bed with our feet intertwined in the middle. The wake up call came & I answered it. I let everyone snooze for another 5 minutes until it was "safe" to get dressed. Shane & I were "up" first. We made our bed quietly & each took a quick shower. We were in the bathroom - quietly talking & continuously touching each other. We ended up in a hug & as I watched those bright smiling eyes of his meet mine I whispered what we'd both been thinking: "Hey, can you imagine the look on the maid's face when she pulls back the blankets on our bed & sees the sheets?".
Shane thought for a moment: "Yeah, she'll probably call maintenance to report a massive leak in a waterbed - even though it's a regular bed.", he whispered back.
I clenched my teeth & blew the air out of my lungs so I wouldn't laugh out loud at Shane's joke. I just hugged him - red-faced & shaking in inaudible laughter.
"Or maybe a hole in the roof...", he went on. I shook & sweat as I turned various shaded of blue - holding back the roar of laughter that wanted to sneak out. We heard some noise from the other room so we changed our conversation to stuff about school as we finished up getting ready to face another day - cooped up in a van. Actually, it wasn't that bad...
Between rest stops & general conversation about nothing - it went OK. Somebody (one of the girls) brought up the questions about "gays" & we all got to go "Ewwwwww" & "GROssss" & make our best 'disgust faces' while the 'leaders' talked of guys doing the butt-nasty & shitty gerbils being suffocated up arses. Meanwhile, Shane & I were seeing how many times during the trip we could slow massage the stiffness out of each other's crotches & still feign attention to whatever the topic was. It sounds hypocritical - but the truth was - we were surrounded by hypocrites who didn't know what the hell they were talking about - so we said what everybody "str8" might want to hear. I felt like a Jewish kid made to attend KKK picnics. "As long as I didn't let the news out about being able to read Hebrew - I'd blend in with the rest of the Arians." I could still tell them off in the secrecy of my own mind - and I did. See, I figured that if people - (the ones who initiated the shit-talk out of the blue) - thought they were your friends - but made hate filled remarks about guys who were into guys, - that they really weren't your friends at all. They just didn't know it yet. I never instigated fag-comments. I NEVER, have EVER called anyone else a "fag" to insult them. I just played dumb; -- & when somebody would suggest that "they (fags)" did certain things that I'd never ever consider doing (like butt-phucking, fisting or 'gerbiling') - I'd just make my best 'gross-me-out face" & ask something like "Really ... Are you sure?" - just so the liar telling the tale could establish he was a liar in the halls of eternity. There were lots of guys who'd chum up to me because of my solid-reputation & physical build; -- & I'd usually be nice to their face; - But I'd always have a hand in my pocket with my middle finger up or something while talking to them - just to remind me that if the swastika was fluttering overhead - that they'd mike a nice little Nazi-church-goer, too. Down deep, I hoped that these guys would let something slip that would let me know that all that "fag-stuff" was their own insecurity; -- or just so nobody would suspect them of being 'into guys'. I wanted them to admit (even if only to me) that it was all words spoken out of fear or peer pressure. Never one time did I hear that confession from any of those who'd instigate the 'fag' gossip & insults. I had to play dumb & keep my pointy-sheet on until I was in a position to tell them all who I was/n't & what they were ("Szieg-Heil!") . Just a while longer...
When we got to the camp after sharing 3 hotel rooms & numerous backseat jackoff sessions, - we were silently delighted to discover that whoever had designed the camp's beds - had put them in pairs on opposite sides of a very thin plywood separator - and cut a hole all along the side - near the head of each bunk so that the person on one side could talk to his "buddy" or share a bible, etc.. The hole went from head to lower rib-cage. When lights went out - the hole was way big enough to quietly play kissy-face; -- & laying on our backs - we could each reach an arm across into each other's sleeping bags & massage chest, abs & finally long sessions of slow jacking each other. Do you know how many times a night a guy in his teens can get off when his stud-buddy is reaching down the sleeping-bag & gently clutching his stick-shift? When someone else has the controller - the experience is much better. Of course, the females were in a different cabin. Shane & I could have cared less. Next year - send them back to Venus...(We'll stay right here on Mars).
The one thing Shane & I did openly was wrestle a lot. We'd find any excuse to scrap from in the locker room to lunch line. We'd do the pro wrestling moves that weren't even close to being possible in the real world without killing people. The other guys - especially the younger - loved it.
We ended up being "the role models" for "Christian young men". We really begin to figure out that our denomination was all about appearances (as sadly, are most). See, although I haven't talked much about it yet - between the two of us - we had read the entire Bible & had a lot of it in our heads. We began to compare notes on the same-sex topic & sex in general. What we were concluding is that a lot of what the church teaches is total bull & by that I mean - just not "in there"!. God wasn't nearly the prude that people made Him out to be. Consider Isaac - miracle child. He was like, 40, and still didn't have a wife. So, we're to believe that a 40 year old guy hasn't been hooking up? Makes you wonder what he's been doing for 28 years since the Bar mitzvah. See ... the text said he didn't have a wife. It made no mention of concubines, but since our "church" isn't to hip on the concept of concubines -- they teach this guy was some sort of celibate super-hero for 40+ years. Shullbit!
Then - there's David & Jonathan. These two guys hooked up young & were
exchanging clothes, kisses & living together. They had a "love covenant"
(repeat after me: "Domestic Partnership"). When Jonathan was eventually killed in
battle - David wrote a song & said that his love was better than women!
The text says that they loved each other like they loved themselves. What
is it that a guy will do to himself that is usually a "solo" thing? "JO"!
If a guy loves another guy "like himself" - the text is saying that the comforts
& pleasures that one enjoys - he'll give to another. Say "Mutual JO".
Oh, and the text that talks about their "secret meeting in a field" - totally
revealing if you ask yourself how such a secret meeting was recorded for others
to read about. Jonathan's father was King (Saul). He didn't like
David - because a prophet had said that David was going to be King.
Jonathan (Prince - & Saul's son) had no problem with that (What sort of
friendship would be so strong that Jonathan would give up a kingdom over it? ...
Think!) & Jonathan had even told David that when David was king - that he'd be
there beside him. (Who usually sits beside the king?
Think!) Anyway - it's obvious that Jonathan's father, Saul - was using
spies (just like every other king). This is how their "secret meeting in
the field" was recorded in the text; - A spy witnessed it. Now, King Saul
didn't like bad news. He had a reputation of throwing spears at people -
even his own son; - So a spy with a bad report was probably in peril of life &
limb. So what does a spy do when he sees something that would totally
freak the king out if it went into the public record? He veils the
embarrassment with 'creative language'.
So ... when the spy reports that
David "bowed" 3 times before Jonathan in a field (say "tall grass") - what was
the spy really looking at? And, where was the spy -spying from?
Hiding in the tall
grass, perhaps? The spy records that David & Jonathan were hugging,
kissing & crying because David needed to go away. Doesn't it seem a bit
odd that in such an informal setting (crying, hugging & kissing) that David would "bow" 3 times before
someone (Jon) he knew so intimately? In the same text - they remained "hugging &
kissing" until David "exceeded". Eh??? Other translations say
"became large". (I say - "Became
enlarged & spilled seed-ed".)
This is MY take on the "secret field meeting": The spy was hiding in the tall grass. David meets with Jonathan & over a period of a few minutes David starts at Jon's shoulders & works his way down - disrobing him in 2
passes, - I mean "bows" (outer garments, then under). The last
"bow" is kiss & lick session all over Prince Jonathan's hard scepter - with probably
some longsuffering homage paid to the royal jewels (at or below the 'grass-line).
Then they stand & cuddle - with their bodies tightly pressed together
(disrobed from the waist down).
Meanwhile, the spy is angling for a constantly better view without being seen.
Now - at the point of climax - a guy's natural reflex is to arch his back
Both guys standing in a tight naked embrace would obscure any genital view until
David arched his back in climax - opening a space between them.
This is the point where the spy sees David's "enlargement - spill seed".
Why not Jonathan? I think he "exseeded" while David was "bowing"
- paying homage those three times.
(From the report - the exchange is
face to face. These dudes did not do the butt-nasty- as that happens to be the
specific male/male act forbidden in Leviticus).
And again: How does a spy report this exchange (the King's son w. a dude who has no lawful
right to the throne except through the words of a "prophet") -- without ending up on the wall in the
room? He uses some creative writing skills (Well the grass was tall & it
sure 'looked' like he bowed 3 times...). It's veiled - as are the details
of every sexual
account in the Scripture. I.E: Song of Songs is X-rated -- but not until
you figure the euphemisms out.
Anyway ... we spent those 2 weeks doing the group things & talking softly to ourselves when we were together off being private. On the 11th day, we found a hunter's tree-stand, - & with our camos on - we might as well have been leaves: Two leaves - side by side - pressed up together watching the sky & clouds through the thick foliage canapé. I still get nostalgic when I remember having an arm around each other - just talking about life & all the complications while watching the peace of nature around us in contrast. One thing we knew: David & Jonathan swore their covenant to each other - without anyone else's approval. Neither was likely even 18 years old when they did it. That was enough for Shane & I. 40 feet up - in an audience of leaves, light & sky, Shane & I softly declared our friendship to each other, - our love & the adoption of each as family. We kissed, softly shed tears & hugged - all quietly above the earth as nature moved around us - without noticing us so high up. Shane produced 2 rings from his pocket. It fit the ring finger of my right hand perfectly. He'd picked it up at a store that did custom jewelry on the way. The rings were engraved in Greek on the outside in thin block letters: "EROS PHILEO AGAPE" along a perfect circular path where one led to the next without beginning or end. They weren't gaudy - nor were they 'dainty'. They were beautiful. The inside of the rings was 14 karat gold/silver alloy so that our fingers wouldn't change color. It had cost him a chunk of his spending money - but he had a "feeling". The girl at the counter had guessed my size. I remembered the chick who had commented on my "strong hands" & held them. She was literally "feeling me up" for ring size. I cracked a big grin as I realized what Shane had pulled off.
Putting that ring on did something. It cemented me to Shane & him to me. Anyone who could read Greek would see that the phrase was a perfect love 'trifecta'. Two people wearing such rings were declaring themselves lovers in all respects: Body, Soul, Spirit. It was a bold step to take - but like the story of David & Jonathan, -- the truth was in front of all & still veiled. Only those who seek more from God's storehouse (& can read Greek) see beyond such veils.
Day 12: Two slightly younger guys had been caught "kissing on the lips" by staff. There was a ruckus at first about what to do with them - whether to send them home or ask their parents about an ex-gay program enrollment. The general director asked Shane & me what we thought should be done. It seems that we'd become such roll models - that someone had suggested that maybe sitting the "gay-boys" down in front of some "real Christian men" (blush), that we'd be able to 'straighten them out'. The general director started off by telling us that he wanted us to denounce the seriousness of this "sin". Shane & I told him that we'd show them what the Bible had to say. That seemed to satisfy him. Two 14-year old guys were sent in - good look'n little dudes. They were scared ... really scared.
The names of the two were William & Phillip: Will & Phil. They stood there, - in the main office before us - awaiting their sentencing - or worse. The office contained a large amount of camp-junk as well as the office supplies needed to actually run the operation. Among this junk - on the wall, was an old double barrel shotgun in great condition - except for the fact it didn't work. It was a keepsake - mounted in a proud location & gave the room a 'pioneer feel'. I knew about the gun because I'd once had a conversation with the old man who had owned it - several years ago. I looked at the two young men - sensing they were as afraid for each other as for themselves. I stood & while taking the gun off the wall said, "It makes no sense to punish both of you because then nobody will learn anything. So, I'll choose one now.". You could have heard a pin drop as I clicked off the gun's safety & cocked it. I stood there - as if thinking & then aimed the gun at Phil.
Will yelled, "No!" & stepped in front of Phil. Seeing that Will was between the barrel & himself - Phil wrapped his arms around him & twisted away so that they were back to - with himself now in the line of fire between the gun & his buddy. Will yelped another, "No!" & began to struggle - trying to break the hold & do another reversal. I winked at Shane as I lowered the gun. The general director was speechless as he watched this play out. Shane put both arms around the two guys & whispered "Sit down little bros...". Still shaking & pushing the tears away from their eyes - the two guys had a seat.
I took out my Bible as they sat & I opened it. The General Director (GD) expected it to open to the Old Testament - but I opened it to the New. I began reading out loud: "And then Jesus said - This is my commandment: that you love one another as I have loved you. No one shows greater love than when he lays down his life for his friends.". I turned a few pages and read from Romans: "Now it is hard for anyone to give his life even for an upright man, though it might be that for a good man someone would give his life." I smiled at the two young studs - each who just minutes earlier had been willing to stand in the path of "imminent" gunfire to protect his buddy. Then I continued: "I thought I was asked here to address sinners - but I see only proof of good men."
My words hung in the air like a cleansing fog.
"But what about Leviticus 20:13?", the general director asked.
"And Leviticus 18:22?", I added.
"Yes ... And Romans chapter 1...", he continued.
"And what about Leviticus 15:25?", I prodded. The general director was quiet.
"I'm not familiar...", he began.
I quoted: "Any woman who has a flow of blood outside her regular monthly period is unclean until it stops, just as she is during her monthly period."
"I don't understand what this has to do with...", the general director began.
"Leviticus 15:25 makes it clear that the only lawful way under the law of Moses for sexual relations with a woman to occur was in one position. This is why it defiles a man to have sex during a woman's period - because it assumes only that 1 position; - the one that brings him into direct contact with her uncleanliness. Better throw the Karma-Sutra away."
"I still still don't see what this has to do...", he repeated.
"Leviticus 18:22 & 20:13 each condemn man laying with mankind AS WITH A WOMAN. Men don't have a front hole to penetrate so what hole does that leave if a man wants to use a man in place of a woman?", I responded. The general director was silent. I continued, "This is precisely what Paul is describing in Romans chapter 1. He is explaining the fertility cult practices of certain pagan groups. His observation of women exchanging the natural use is explained when he describes men doing shameful things with other men & uses the term LIKEWISE. Being a former Jew - he's drawing from the Law of Moses for his legal context and that law forbids men anally penetrating men and it indirectly forbids men anally penetrating women - because under that same law - human dung defiles - was an "abomination". Deuteronomy 23:12-14."
The general director was visibly stunned by this new exegesis of Romans 1.
"But they were kissing & they're both young men", the director argued - glancing at Will & Phil.
I Responded: "David arose out of a place toward the South, and fell on his face to the ground, and bowed himself three times: and they kissed one another, and wept one with another, until David exceeded '(I spoke that word louder)'. And Jonathan said to David, Go in peace, forasmuch as we have sworn both of us in the name of Jehovah, saying, Jehovah shall be between me and thee, and between my seed and thy seed, forever. - 1st Samuel 20:41-42. It looks to me like David & Jonathan were kissing, -ahem, - & they were both young men...", I spoke - letting the quote dangle in the air.
"But that was different...", he replied.
"Really?", I began. "I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: Very pleasant hast thou been unto me: Thy love to me was wonderful, Passing the love of women. King David's Ballard - 2nd Samuel 1:26", I completed.
"Let me see that!", the general director demanded. I opened my Bible & handed it to him. As he read - his jaw dropped. "I'm going to have to look into this more thoroughly ...", he continued.
"That sounds fair enough. Is the meeting here over?", I asked. He thought for a few seconds.
"Yes...let's not hear any more of it.", he finished.
So the four of us left - leaving the 'GD" alone to contemplate the enlightenment that would likely cost him his position if he adopted it. Shane even said, "You know - if he takes your position on this - it's probably gonna cost him his position here.".
"He felt called by God. Now we'll see who's calling he values more: God's or his sect's.", I replied.
Will asked, "So you're saying that it's OK if Phil & I are, like - seeing each other?". He swallowed hard.
"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself as love toward one another & you know that love never works any ill. Only you know the depth of your friendship & who are we to judge such a thing?", I replied. All 3 - Shane, Will & Phil had tears in their eyes. They recognized the quotes that suddenly took on such power to free people snared in religious bondage.
We went about the rest of the day's functions as usual. Late that evening at about 9 PM, the general director showed up at the cabin that Shane & I were in. He wanted to talk to us at the office about some things he had questions about. We went. The questions were questions about all 8 of the major anti-same-sex passages that are used by many religious denominations to condemn same-sex relationships. I systematically showed him where each had been mistranslated & misapplied. When I got to Galatians 3:28 - about the part about in Christ there being "neither male & female', he was visibly shaken.
"See, no male & female - based on the text. Consider the language of Ephesians 5:28: 'In the same way, a husband should love his wife as much as he loves himself'. Does that not sound like: 'And Jonathan and David cut a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul.'? Back to Ephesians, 'A wife should put her husband first, as she does the Lord.'; -- And compare that with Jonathan's attitude favoring David's needs over the King's desires: 'Then Jonathan said, "Tell me what to do, and I'll do it.'. It looks fairly obvious that the writer of Hebrews is using the account of David & Jonathan to frame a proper marital relationship! Why? Because the New Covenant collapses the inequalities of gender - leaving the best examples of proper marital attitudes with the account of two men who were in love - one divinely destined to be King & the other giving up his name to be by his love's side - handing over his own throne lawfully thru their - covenant! And if that isn't the most intense foreshadowing of the entire Gospel-message, then my Bible must be short a few pages or something!", I concluded.
The general director broke down - seeing the flawlessness of the argument; -& told a story about his own brother who his family had not heard from in 20 years. His brother had been asked to leave the church when they discovered his college apartment had only 1 bedroom & he had a male roomie. The "GD" explained that he had always tried to be extra understanding when certain things like what had occurred earlier that day came before him. He had been listening to the church's "official position" for so long that it never dawned on him that there might be another way of seeing it. Now, he'd seen something that made so much sense that he was devastated for being so blind for so long. It fit in so well with the gospel that liberated people to be who they were & put love first. When he realized that the scripture condemned certain sexual practices (those that tend to cause harm); -- not the gender mix of the participants -- it was like a light went on - a light that exposed for the first time in 20+ years how wrongly they had judged & treated his brother. "And how many more???", - he wondered out loud.
That was the last year Shane & I attended camp - without ever knowing the exact outcomes of the various things that we had set in motion in the lives of others. We managed to stay far enough below enemy radar (that used the pulpit as it's central beacon) that we weren't "identified" as a couple of "those bominations". The next year, the youth camp did indeed have a different director & a scandal of sorts had occurred when the former general director left the denomination to join a "more liberal"-church organization.
On the day after Shane's 18th birthday, he left home to join me in my college
apartment. We jointly wrote a 15 page letter laying out the real "history"
of "us, the 'role models'"- that our denomination had held up as a "standard" for years
while we had to hide what we really felt -in fear of our very lives, homes & what might
happen if we were discovered - unprepared to deal with the consequences.
We described our love & relationship - when it began -- without disclosing the
details of how we got together physically. We cut ties with the entire
denomination & all like it - as well as cutting ties with our families (who
couldn't seem to reject their traditions of bigotry in favor of the Scripture's
The letter was like a nuke going off in our denomination & echoed all the way
across the country to the "camp". Everybody in the 'snake-pit' wanted to
find fault with everyone else. The top levels of the administration did an
"investigation" to determine "how 2 young men had been seduced into
lifestyle. We saw it all coming; -& the fact they wouldn't "get it" or have a
desire for the truth. To our families we sent the same message: "We spent
years living in homes where everyone patted us on the back while cursing us to
our faces -without even knowing it was "us" they were cursing.
Here's our response: "We intend to NEVER subject ourselves to the likes of your presence again. You'll have to find somebody else to abuse. You weren't willing to validate the possibility that two guys might be able to love each other. No, you cursed the notion every time the topic came up - citing death-penalty clauses from out-of-context scripture-bastardizations. You already made it clear that you thought such love was 'perverse', immoral, heretical. The only perverse affection I recall was that from those around us that required us to be 'someone else' in our own homes, schools & town - so that we could even exist. Since you seemed to like the death penalty clauses so much, -- we're now dead - to you. You got your wish! Congratulations. Goodbye.". We both took part time jobs to pay for living and part time college expenses. We moved 3 times in 18 months to finally shake those who wanted to re-establish ties (the ones that bind to false religion). We sent out holiday cards that had a picture of Shane & I - arms around each other that read: "Happy with each other; & without you..." - to those who had demeaned us & invisibly hurt us for years. Hate has a price. We let them pay it. We have each other.
- We too are G0YS...