69096 - That was the population of the city I lived in based on the census of |EDITED|.  When I was 11, my dad was killed on the job.  He left a hefty life insurance policy thanks to his union.  Mom managed to save quite a bit of it.  When I turned 18, I got my share.  Not a fool to spend wildly - I purchased the guts of an old gym & rented cheap space on 7th street - near the downtown area. 2 weeks after High School graduation - I was in business as an independent gym & club owner.  I had a local health food store stock my vending machines with strange sounding drinks at twice the price of soda.  I even had my own brand of filtered water.  This was literally years before things like that caught on mainstream.  It just seemed to make sense at the time.

In the rear of the place, I had 7 showers in a large partitioned stall that could double as a steam room if heads 1, 3 & 7 were turned to atomize & hot.  There were 4 commodes off each locker area too.  Gas heated air & water on my own private loop kept it affordable.  I was all about affordable.  A door in the back went to another area that I'd had renovated into my living space.  Yeah - I lived there too.  3 bedrooms, 2 and a half baths with a kitchen, large dining room, very private den/office & ton of storage space.  I also had a door that opened into the back alley & the alley was sectioned in two with a locking gate.

I was a cash-business.  My accounting was kept in my computer in a large, protected ZIP file that I open & updated as needed.  Nobody knew what I was taking in every week & my hidden safe wasn't about to tell either.  At 18, I didn't even have a social security number - & I didn't plan to.  As a US Citizen -- there is simply no law requiring one.  Think about that for a while.

I was already for business -- except I needed help to open.  I put up a "HELP WANTED" sign & the first day, a guy applied named Jason.  He was on - part time, 5 days a week (We weren't open Sunday & Monday) - 3 hours a day for closing & prepping for the next day.  He said he was 18.  Didn't matter much to me.  The second day - night actually, I found him sleeping on a matt after the place had been cleaned & locked up.  I was curious as to why he didn't go home so I woke him.  He said he didn't have a place to stay.  Turns out he wasn't quite 18 - yet.  So, I told him he could stay in one of my bedrooms until he got landed on his feet.  Of course, I needed to get beds - so I told him he could stay in my room that night if he didn't mind sharing half a bed.  He didn't mind.  The next morning I woke up with him in my arms & me his. 

Up till this point in my life, I was totally in the closet.  Most of what I'd seen in the "gay" community I didn't want to associate with.  Oh, and for those who'll ask me "why' ... I'll make it simple: 7 out of 10 fags butt-phuck, 2 usually don't - & don't care that the other 7 do, & the 1 who finds it waaay disgusting is too intimidated by the other 9 to speak up; -- So phuck off!  Any questions?

Anyway - I woke up with Jason hugged all up next to me & I'm tired enough so it doesn't freak me out.  Actually - I kinda got cuddling on him back & feeling all kinds of good feelings in the pit of my stomach & down lower.  He was a good look'n guy & obviously a survivor.  He woke up a little later & like he'd done it 1000 times, he made breakfast & brought it to me in bed.  We were just talking about noth'n & he started rubb'n on the back of my neck talking about massage therapy or something & the gym.  I told him I'd consider it -- but the feel'n was so good I wasn't consider'n anything right then & there. 

He hung out around the gym all day that day & was telling me about what he'd been reading in the magazines & how I should stock them for sale.  I put him in charge of that & by the end of the day had increased his hours to 25 a week.  He was a smart guy & up to date.  He kissed my arse on virtually every occasion which went over fine because he did it very discretely & often in front of other people. 

That day, in introduced me to his friend Nick - who was "also 18" & needed a job.  Nick was another handsome dude with a great body.  I told him I really couldn't budget for that my 1st week open - but he offered to be a personal trainer part time for tips & board.  Twist my arm.  Instead of ordering a single bed - I ordered a bunk.  I figured I could put them both in the same room to help motivate them to leave as soon as they could afford a place of their own.  I was so clueless now that I look back.

Well, I was signing up new members faster than hotcakes.  My gym was located in a really good section for pulling new clients - even though the part of town wasn't the greatest.  Jason was still making breakfast every morning & Nick hung around working out with other people in the gym.  Day 5, Jason kissed me to wake me up.  He grinned & I smiled like it was a joke.  Day 6 he did it again & day 7 I woke up early completely nude with a naked Jason in my arms slow humping my dick with his.  I came in what felt like gallons & left red marks on his back where my hands had almost crushed him in the experience; -- but he was more than forgiving & more open than previously.  I told him that if he was trying to sleep his way to the top that it wasn't gonna work because I was already there.  He laughed & we began to discuss why he was really on the street to begin with.  All I can say is: Phuck the 700 Club & every other self righteous bunch of bigots out there who'd put a kid on the street because the kid happens to bond with the same sex.  Phuck them & their indiscriminate attitudes! And if you support groups like that then phuck you too! Any questions?

We got talking & it turned out that Nick was another dude who liked dudes (& chicks).  When Nick got telling his story he got choked up & crying really hard - & having me & Jase there to help him thru it was a real help to him.   We finally ended up talking about who else they knew & the circumstances.  That day, we made a few phone calls & I ended up ordering 3 more bunks.  That was space for 4-guys per bedroom.  It was a good thing they were big bedrooms with large closets & built in dressers. 

By the end of the next week, there were 6 guys besides me there.  I contacted a discount bakery outlet & set up a deal for day old bread & other things like bagels that weren't quite round, etc.  I had eggs delivered by the crate & a local dairy set me up with a "discount plan". 7 guys can eat -- & I had room for 9.

The rules were pretty straightforward: Everyone was to weight-train.  The guys in the best shape could act as trainers & earn tips.  Tips - not tricks. Stay out of people's way.  Use the facility for showering off hours if possible & treat the other guys like you'd want to be treated.  As the place grew - they'd be more opportunity to earn money.  Anyone could leave any time they wanted to & using tobacco, booze or dope was a dual request to do so.  The 'word for the decade' was "RESPONSIBLE".  Oh... the door to the living quarters & the locker-room was to remain closed & locked at all times.  Whoever lost his key bought new knobs & keys for all.

A couple of the guys - like me had been raised in circumstances where religious interpretation of (6) verses in the Bible was used to condemn people who bonded with the same sex & this condemnation was more often more severe than for murderers (I'm not exaggerating).  I searched local churches for spiritual counselors who didn't instantly believe that a guy was going to hell if his dick pointed at another guy.  I made 37 calls.  On the 38th, I found a guy in his early 20's who couldn't seem to get a church going because he was too conservatives for liberals & too liberal for conservatives in all the wrong places.  His name was Sean Saris & he actually ended up filling bed #7 because the going was so rough for him at the time. 

Meeting Saris made me begin to believe in divine providence.  He had a way with people & didn't make God out to be an old senile geezer with a mean streak & unquenchable ego.  He had a rather odd background as well.  He'd been raised in a religious home but had decided to become a lawyer.  Prior to taking his bar exam, he began to attend seminary -- where he eventually failed because he would not toe the line on some of the doctrines that were "sacred-cows".  If you didn't buy them -- you couldn't get a degree.  So, here he was - a guy who had refused to violate his conscience & refused to lie on his final exam in order to get a degree from a seminary.  That said lots for him, & the unfortunate state of the seminary too.  His term paper in Theology, called: "Manoah's Messanger: A Wonderful way to Eviscerate Trinities" - had really stuck in the craw of the Dean!  We appreciated him greatly!

So here we were - a bunch of guys, - running a gym & giving hands-up to guys who passed thru our ranks needing a place to get their footing into society from.  We had all the challenges of a large extended family of in-laws!  Slowly, guys would get their feet on the ground & leave the 'dorm' for a place of their own.  Some guys hooked up with guys & left together to become roommates. 

Sex between guys was casual - but not taken for granted or paraded around for 'validation'.  What I mean is that there was this liberalness to our group that had this philosophy that it was OK to get off with a dude as long as nobody got bitched.  Every time a new guy would take the place of someone who'd gone -- it would be a few days & usually me or Saris would get a visit from him & he'd ask about certain "things" he'd been observing.  They'd usually be this look of disbelief that would come over the guy when he realized that - yeah, those 2 other guys in his room did spend the night in one bunk ... & yeah, we were fine with it as long as mutual respect was the tone.  More often than not - disbelief turned into acceptance & eventually guys would get wrestl'n & then tender on each other.  I can't even begin to image the depth of the bonds that some of these guys made with other dudes. 

Occasionally, my door would open in the early AM & someone would want to come it to 'talk'.  I always had them lock the door because our talks usually ended up with the dude in my bed on top of me as we slow ground crotches in wave after wave of slow mutual JO sessions.  Man - some of these guys had an emotional hold on me!  The saying was that "Everybody was gett'n off without anyone getting phuck'd".  It was like an inside "guy expression" that was a selling point to staying there among the guys who were hip to the difference between lov'n on a bro vs. being a butt-bitch. 

Women were not allowed in the back: Not because anyone disliked them -- but because it was a male dorm & lots of the guys were bi; -- & having women around would create situations that were best not aroused in the 1st place.  Also -- it provided a guy an incentive to leave - if he wanted to be with a woman.  Frottage between friends was a great way to get both guys off & build the bond -- but chicks don't want frottage; -- They want flowers & showers (bridal & baby). 

Then there were the problems: Guys who couldn't lay off the booze, drugs or tobacco.  We tried to deal with the minor things in house, but there were a few guys who we needed to evict & every so often -- one that we'd need to call the cops on after the eviction.  Drugs are a problem -- but the biggest problem they bred was the crime to get more.  We couldn't have that around here.  A few of our guys eventually made local police work their work & when we'd have an "issue", we'd call one of them.  That really made things go smoother. 

Over time, the income from the gym justified purchasing more space in the building & fixing it up.  We eventually had (10) rooms other than mine & a heavy duty kitchen where guys ate in shifts; - & there was work for more of them as we expanded.  The gym eventually expanded too & soon I was renting 50% of the block sized building to host all our needs.  Saris started an inner-city outreach there too - & with roughly 40 guys attending services twice a day plus visitors -- it grew & grew!  The city had never seen the likes of us before!

We had enemies.  Rumors fly when you run a place like ours.  Sometimes people need to be forcibly removed.  People make bad decisions every day.  We tried to have as much grace as possible -- but in doing so, people spread rumors about 'bad influences' on the "inside".  Also, because we had a 'lax sex policy' - & even defended a guys right to hook up as long as it was mutual, & respectful (not a trick [not prostitution]) -- then a guy's body was his own business.  On the walls in the bathrooms, there was a poster that read on top "Death'n Agony?" - with a drawing of a guy topping an arse (with not enough image shown to determine the gender of the arse's owner).  On the bottom it said: "Here's how". 

Over time you get to talk to quite a few guys. Eventually, the conversation turns to sex - & when dudes are hooking up with dudes, feelings eventually get discussed - with some coaxing & an understanding demeanor.  I wasn't that interested in the perception of the guys who were only into guys.  I wanted to know the feelings of the guys who were into both...the 'bi'-guys.  What was their take on getting off with other guys?  Well, a number of them talked to me & I found some amazing similarities.  Many (if not most) guys know when another guy is good look'n. When a guy has traits that other guys admire - friendships are often formed with those traits forming an unspoken bond between the guys. Now, what the bi guys pointed out was that they knew they felt "warm" toward a few of their buddies, but because they were into women - they didn't realize the extent their male/male relationships could go. With so many people preaching homophobic messages, - it simply was an F vs. M decision.  The guys who eventually bonded on a physical level with a bud usually discovered that close contact with a guy they respected & trusted felt normal and fulfilling.  Without the camp-gay stereotype or reputation as a "fag" to inhibit the psyche, -- these guys discovered that the affection & closeness of their buddy didn't threaten to emasculate them or erode their perception of their own maleness.  Quite the contrary - being warmly accepted by a masculine friend they respected actually increased their own self acceptance as a guy.  These guys made the distinction between masculine guys vs. milquetoast, effeminate men.  The latter were often ostracized because a guy didn't get an enhanced sense of being a guy by hanging out with "Sissy-Prissy".  This is also another reason why the "Sissy-Prissies" hung out together.  Also, effeminate guys had the reputation of putting their arse in the air in their best attempt to play the female role to indiscriminate guys.  The "bi-guys" seemed to mostly know by instinct that if a man wants a hole, then a "real man" will find the "proper-hole"; -- not settle for any old hole.  Of course: Mix in booze & drugs and the entire equation begins to destabilize.  But, because our guys were expected to remain "sober", - bad decisions were much less common.  It was generally accepted around the place that guys lov'n their buds was OK, - but acting like a bitch was completely unacceptable.  In all of our time in operation - I know of no occurrences where any of our guys gave or took 'it' up the arse in the main facility.  Guys have been expelled for turning tricks (prostitution); -- & I have yet to see a case of that where drugs &/ booze were not a part.  Tragic.          

Overwhelmingly, - our guys knew the difference between arse phuck'n vs. frontal lov'n.  Too bad the holier-than-thou's didn't have enough common sense to make the same distinction.  Heck -- probably about 50% of the guys who came thru the place had been thrown out of holier-than-thou households.  Now the religious schmucks (who despised their own kids) -- wanted to get city hall to "crack down" on the place their kids & other's went to survive. I soon realized that Satanism has 2 'loud' symbols:  The first is shaped like a pentagram; ... & the second is shaped like a cross.  Understand?  Externals mean nothing ... it really is the thoughts & intent of the heart that matter, & these religious zealots who believed that they could legislate their version of holiness - are evil to the core.  They're evil because that's what they produce for results - and there are as many on the left as on the right.  The similarities between groups that claim to be so dissimilar are amazing.  At least the group using the pentagram has some truth in advertising.  Those using a cross -- like the liars they are, -- are simply pretending to be something else.  I'm content to let history critique my analysis.  So far, history has nodded in total agreement with my observations.

It's about balance - ultimately.  Balance in relationships. Balance in health. Balance in philosophy.  For some reason, people often seem bent on setting the scales swinging out of balance.  It's a shame that so many potentials exist for imbalance.  Take the "gay" movement for example.  A guy has some warmth for a guy & the next thing you know, someone wants him marching in a gay pride parade.  Maybe the guys has some warmth for the ladies too.  Another group of people will want him to "choose".  Why the hell would he want to do that?  The sad part is: Lots of guys believe the crap society throws at them.  For a long time, "bisexuality" was considered a minority behavior -- even less of a social "issue" than being "gay".  I find that to be an amazing mind-job.  "Bisexual" people constitute the majority of society.  Kinsey thought over two-thirds of the male population was!  I agree.  Cast out the fear & inhibitions -- & guys will hook up. 

Oh ... and what casts out the "fear"? Perfect love. Completely accepting a guy. Letting the guy know that you care. Letting the guy know that faults are overlooked - trivialized.  I'm not saying to send the guy flowers - or doing anything in public that might make him feel that his masculinity is being jeopardized.  This is also the same reason why guys shun having "outwardly-gay" friends. People jump to conclusions all the time & two guys hanging out together - when one is obviously "a fag" - brings many people to conclude: so is the other.  And, when "the other" happens to despise the stereotypes about "gay" men -- then the stage is set for disaster.  This is precisely the reason why g0ys seek g0ys: Discretion & absence of stigma.  See, many G0YS perceive anal-sex to be on par with child molesting. Seem extreme? Well, the anus is not designed for sex -- but certain people insist treating it that way.  Likewise - children are not designed for sex, but some evil people use them in that fashion. The bottom line is: It's about self-centered gratification without concern for the other person - as a person.  Literally: "Hurray for me, & screw you!".  The only difference is "consent"; -- & anyone who consents to anal-sex probably keeps their consent'r up 'there' too.

When sex is same-gender, - the equality of the act is what is important.  Being accepted by another guy as a guy has a great impact on the male psyche.  The context of the act matters.  When a guy has sex with a woman, - his interest is being accepted by a female as a male partner.  Foreplay, penetration, ejaculation & resolution: He wants to feel that he's accepted as a Man in the act.  Casual sex & prostitution snuff out the most important aspects of the act: The bond the act creates between people ... The emotional connection that says "eternally important" to me.  And, then there's the message beneath that is a feeling of "HOW" that bond is derived.  This is why the psychology of Anal-sex is so destructive: The act is inherently unequal & because it is not true genital-sex -- the unspoken message is that "I want you for THIS TYPE of interaction."  Anal - as a 'type' is unnatural & this is extremely obvious by all of the ritual surrounding it & the risks surrounding all of that.  Frottage - on the other hand, has at it's very core: a hug.  A guy who crawls into bed with me eventually finds himself in a frontal embrace.  Often there is a good amount of slow, gentle caressing that precedes the hug - but the position itself equal. Nobody is being asked to take a different position for the sake of some "act".  The guy is with a guy & with increased affection - he finds himself in a position of equality where affection is given & taken on equal footing.  Men who are affectionate of other men are not trying to find a substitute for female anatomy.  It is not about one of the men seeking fatty-breasts to fondle or finding a vagina to penetrate. G0YS appreciate the musculature, heft, texture & overall masculinity in their embrace.  They appreciate the the fact that the mind of the person in their embrace is male & his male reactions, - such as vocalizations - movements & even his climax are "male".  Nothing in the exchange compromises either guy in his male-psyche.  Nothing suggests "become a bitch".  G0YS appreciate the honesty of the uncontrolled & unforced erection of the guy in their embrace.  With equal footing & masculine desirability the unspoken focus of the partnering - the message is: You (as a guy) make me feel extremely good in your close presence.  A naturally erect penis speaks of the deep, physical appreciation of the person -- not a need to conquer them.  Among men in a frontal embrace - enjoying the masculine presence of each: Erections inevitably end in intense ejaculations - driven mutually by the interactive responses of each man. 
With the g0y - the connection that results after climax is the goal.  Friends (maybe more) forever.  Each guy knows on the most fundamental level that the guy he's with accepts & validates his worth as another guy.  The equality to the exchange does not leave one guy feeling that he was somehow "used" by the other guy as a "proxy".  The message is: "That guy really loves me - balls to bones.".  It doesn't say that he wants to own, possess, conquer or demean.  It speaks of love, acceptance & "I'm here for you Bro".  And an attitude of love overlooks a multitude of offenses.  An attitude of love is one that does not want to hurt the other.  If you want people to toe the line -- then make them love you; - & you do that by loving them first.

Because of my age & who I was around most of the time -- I was able to fast-track that process with a lot of guys (Not everyone - but those who were similarly interested).  In our current culture - people seem to have some need to "classify" these relationships.  They want to stick some label on them.  The simple explanation of "That guy loves me & I love him too" is beyond the scope of those who don't understand that for men: intimate affection with guys is a natural part of being a guy.  I've stood at the weddings of several guys who've (in the past) stiffened in my embrace with taught bellies & clenched teeth as their penis emptied their balls onto our abs in a flood of intense emotional release.  They're men I love deeply & they know that I accept them in the fullest sense of being men. With me - they can be naked & without shame. I think this is a reason why the message needs to get out: It's OK to be a guy - tender on other guys (& most want to be).  Before the explosion of mass media - most were.

In my estimation - the reporting behind the so-called "gay" movement has probably been one of the most destructive phenomena in the history of time.  Distortions of human behavior from the extreme left & right have interplayed in such a way as to produce one of the most biased & unbalanced modern societies in history.  Men are seldom able to put arms around each other & exchange mutual affection without being afraid of somebody calling them a "fag" or lumping them into a group predominated by perverts who think the butt-nasty is on par with male-affection.  Poison on the left. Poison on the right. Neither speaks about reality -- but about some fringe group philosophy.  Meanwhile - two teenage guys climax while in a frontal embrace & affirm their deepest friendship; -- While fearing that the world will accuse their friendship's depth or attempt to label them as part of 'some minority'.

This g0y-thing is a narrow road. The amazing thing is how many people are on it! It's so dark - that most think they're alone! However, the lights are coming on & as they do - those who can see the light are realizing that all the scary noises in the darkness are the echoes of lies - past & present that attempt to describe a world of fearful people - that, for the most part - does not exist!