themselves wise, they became as fools..."
Saul/Paul in his Letter to the
Church at Rome
Speak of the Devil ... here's one now...
Below is a thought
by thought critique of the above article.
My comments will be in COLOR.
Cleaning Your Butt by Joe Dobbert (Fool writer)
Hygiene is a big issue when youíre having anal sex Ė and it should be.
Getting fatally wounded is a big issue when you're playing with explosives -- & it should be.
Your anus is home to lots of bacteria and other things that are good in your
butt but not so good on your partner.
All those bags labeled "FLAMMABLE" are home to lots of volatile substances that are good on a munitions field - but not on your gas grill.
There arenít many things more unappealing to some tops than pulling out and having a penis coated in his partnerís feces.
There aren't many things more unappealing to some pops than pulling out a bag full of their children's exploded entrails.
Even with the condom on, it can be a huge mess. The more graphic term for
this is ďshit-dick.Ē
Even with a flame-suit on, it can sure make a huge mess. The more graphic term is "stupid-dick".
That said, itís very important that you do not use enemas (douche) before anal sex. In fact, if youíre not constipated, or your doctor hasnít instructed you to do so, you should avoid enemas in general.
There you have it: Sound advice for those of you with a natural penchant to regularly stick a hose up your arse & douche.
Using liquids to purge the bowel is a very risky activity because: Anything
other than water can cause irritation to the lining of your rectum. This makes
you more likely to get HIV or another STI.
Anything other than water can cause irritation & this makes you more likely to blow your ass up while you're playing with fire in the proximity of a volatile environment.
Water thatís too hot can burn the lining of your rectum. This makes you more
likely to get HIV or another STI.
Too much heat can ultimately burn your arse.
Flooding your rectum with water, ironically enough, dehydrates the colon.
We suggest you consider using sand instead...Lots & lots of it... Be sure to impact it by pounding tightly.
This makes your colon more apt to suck up other fluids.
Avoid putting drinking straws up your arse during such a time as this...
If a condom were to break during anal sex, your thirsty colon would suck up
the cum and, if your partner were HIV positive, it would make you more likely to
As opposed to all the times it's safe to have the condom of an HIV+ partner break inside your arse.
Purging with water can make your body begin to rely on enemas to have a bowel
And not using your legs to walk will most likely cause them to weaken too.
After enough enemas, you wonít be able to poop without them.
After not using your legs long enough, you'll probably qualify for SSI Disability; -- & can get one of those neat Rascal scooters for next to nothing! You'll never have to walk again! Yeah baby!
If you douche too late, you might not get the water out in time.
In time? ("This douche-water will explode in 30 seconds....")
The pressure of your partnerís penis up there will push this residual water
(and all the feces left in your bowel) out onto the bed, making a bigger mess
than you set out to avoid.
That will add to the memory of the moment. But ya know ... if ya hadn't started out to play in shit in the 1st place...
Fortunately for all of us, there are some steps that you can take to clean
yourself up before sex:
Yes ... we call this (cleaning up): "BATHING". It's part of "BASIC HYGIENE". Part of "BASIC HYGIENE" is avoiding playing in feces - which, coincidentally avoids interaction with the anus most of the time - especially during romantic encounters.
Wipe the area down with a moist cloth to clean the outside.
So that's where those millions of "towelettes" are going: Poo-poo chute cleaning. G0YS prefer lots of soap, water & the cleaning approach to be used on a body wide basis. Silly us...
Donít eat for a few hours before sex. Eating stimulates the bowel and will
cause your body to create more shit.
And this is germane because? ... Oh, yes ... you might run out of towelettes...
Fill an ear syringe (the blue bulb with the tapered nozzle) with warm (not
hot) water and gently squeeze it into your rectum.
Warm water comes out of the water heater (in part). It is loaded with bacteria which is a reason any microbiologist with a brain will tell your to never prepare warm drinks with water from the tap. We call approaches like your's: 'Out of the frying pan & into the fire'. You know - this also reminds me of the anecdote about the hospital patient who's doctor prescribed ear drops, but the nurse put them up the guys butt. Seems the doctor didn't have great handwriting & under the 'INSTRUCTIONS" section he scribbled 'R EAR'. Apparently, the 'R ' should have been read by the nurse on duty as 'Right'. Well, she didn't 'see' 2-words, - just one. You certainly couldn't be nearly as confused...
This small amount of water will not cause any damage
Nor will it cause any 'cleaning'...
and should remove any residue left inside your ass.
Residue? Latex? Shrapnel?
Relax. Sex is messy.
Especially your particular variety...
If you make a mess, wash it up with soapy water.
I refer you to the beginning of the article where you wrote (& I quote): "There arenít many things more unappealing to some tops than pulling out and having a penis coated in his partnerís feces." Like most fools - you've come full circle without making any progress or having any point.
Isnít showering after sex part of the fun anyway?
I don't think any sane reader has an issue about the shower. They're too preoccupied with the revolting image of the swim in the cesspool beforehand.
Remember, shit happens!
Now ... there's a deep thought...
And that, my friends, is the fabulous world of cleaning your butt.
Or ... the means to NOT clean your butt - while feeling like you've accomplished something...
If you choose to have anal sex,
And, if you choose to play with fire around volatile substances...
there are a number of ways to make it safer and pleasurable.
Not that any have been explained in this article...
The bottom line
'bottom line' ... oh how punny...
is, listen to your body. If it doesnít feel good, stop.
That advice alone should be warning enough not to shove large objects up your arse...
Above all else, take care of your ass and your ass will take care of you.
This surely must be the secret to success. I will 'take care of my arse' & it will 'take care of me'. "No sir ... I'm not going to seek to support myself thru a real occupation requiring skill. Nope ... my arse is taking care of me." "Get a job? No thank you; - My arse is seeing to my wellbeing..." "Trust in 'God' to lead my life? No way ... I'm looking out for my Arse!" "Be a good bloke & hand me that large dildo over there ... I need to work out a few of life's problems..."...
+15 years later...
+15 years has passed since I published the above humorous take on the opening article (supposedly written for the benefit of the "gay male community" about "anal hygiene"). This was brought back to my attention because I recently read an article that was published containing all of the mindless nonsense as the former written by Dobbert.
The "Gay Male community" has learned nothing in 15+ years. Notice my lack of an exclamation point in the previous sentence. It's because I'm not surprised. +15 years ago, I wrote that I considered the gay-male community to be a causality of it's own sociopathic indifference.
However, in that same time frame - the g0ys movement has grown globally with massive media exposure on several continents. Many man have taken the time to write about their joy discovering us. And would you believe that the "gay male community" is outraged about the growth of g0ys? Yeah, me neither!
Men lacking wisdom rarely seek it & despise its message when confronted with it. Men who possess it recognize its beauty. "Society" consists mostly of the former. Pity...