I was scared of nothing -- except a simple 3-letter-word (& all it's cousins): "GAY"; & did I detest "sissies"!  I grew up in a tough Irish/Italian family.  When I was 12, I figured "it" out ... "it" being that I had the hots for some of my buds.  I was scared & pissed at the same time & couldn't think of a person on the planet to talk to.  I had my values - & phucking guys up the arse was contrary to them - (& you guys who insist that's acceptable: You've been phuck'n warned...)

Everything I saw everywhere threw the butt-phuck message at any guy who might be "gay".  I overheard someone say "it's a stage some guys go thru".  Well, from that point on, I decided to make that stage pass as fast as possible by becoming the biggest, toughest "man" in the history of the 8th grade.  I joined my cousin Vinny's gym & proceeded to empty my parents refrigerator routinely.  I was 14 when the picture above was taken & between my face & my body, there were women hitting on me all the time.  I milked that cow for all it was worth - for several years. 

Despite my efforts, being in close proximity to a hot guy would make my mouth dry & heart beat fast.  I joined the freshman wrestling team & practiced with the big dogs when I could.  By the time I was a sophomore, testosterone had transformed me way before my time, & I was varsity (everything I wanted).  My reputation for being relentless in the gym & in the field was well known - as was my disdain for anything "faggish".  With the women, muscles, sports & attitude -- nobody knew I was occasionally think'n about off'n myself because I still hadn't grown out of this phase & I began to doubt I ever would.  Men were phuck'n beautiful & I couldn't imagine unlearning that carnal knowledge that fit so well between my ears & so easily affected the meat swinging between my legs.

I had an older cousin named Guido who was business partners with a guy named Joel who ran a martial arts studio.  One day while I was visiting Guido, - Joel stopped by, & after we talked about sports & school for a while, Joel asked me if I'd like to make some money by being in the pictures on the studio's new brochure.  He said $500 bucks.  I said, "Plus free lessons."  He agreed.  I asked when & where.

Joel was 27 & bigger than me with his shirt off.  He was totally good look'n in the face too.  I asked him why he didn't pose for the pictures himself.  He explained that the target age group for his studio was younger, so he needed that kind of face.  Since my school had 3500 students, he explained that using me in the brochure would almost assure him 2% of the school because of who I was.  It made me feel good being look up to like that.  Joel explained the process & that the camera had a microphone & loud bangs would trigger the photo at the right time.  He explained the concept of breaking boards, bricks, etc & showed me how the technique work.  He said: "Physics, - not magic.".  He showed me the positions my body needed to be in for each shot & we "test-practiced" for a couple of hours before actually shooting - & the camera was set up just as it would be when we "shot".  Joel had me do a few test moves & after getting the form down, - he told me to "break 'em up".  Just like he said, I struck 'em & they broke (& the noise set off the camera's flash).  I was hooked.  A week later, the brochure came out with a color photo of me on the front - shirtless with a yell in my throat, - 5 boards breaking at the impact of my hand - & wood-splinters flying.  Inside, there were other photos of me - half clothed & many back-to or from the side - showing off various parts of the facility (& me).  3500 were delivered to the school & I was an instant celebrity.  The next week, 177 guys from the school signed up for instruction!  My cousin's partner had to extend his business hours & wrote me another check for a $500 retainer - if I'd do 3 more brochures for $500 each.  Twist my arm.

I told Joel I wanted private lessons because I didn't want the guys in school to know I was a white belt.  Joel understood the macho-image's need & set me up with a trainer named Todd who was 17 & out of school - in college (yeah, above average).  Todd was a black belt in Karate.  He'd be working with me 2 days a week, 30-minutes, after practice & 2 hours on Sunday.  Todd was my height & weighed 18 pounds less than me -- but had no body fat & was sso handsome from head to toe that I thought I might need to reinforce my jock.  I had majorly mixed feelings about working with the guy.  The first session was a disaster.  I was completely distracted by Todd's bod.  He was just showing basic moves - but watching his muscles flow under his skin & those tendons in his hands, feet & neck -- I was a wreck. 

On Sunday, Todd arrived exactly on time.  He was a strong, determined guy with a gentle voice that melted me when he spoke.  He also had total insight into what I was dealing with - unknown to me at the time.  We were alone in the studio when I showed up & we worked on some basic moves for about a half hour when Todd suggested we sit center mat & meditate to clear our minds of distracting thoughts.  We sat down across from each other with our legs folded.  He started by doing some deep breathing routines.  Since I was out of breath being around the guy, these seemed a good idea.  After about 5 minutes of stretches & breathing, Todd held out his right hand (he was sitting across from me). "Take my hand so that your 2-forefingers are up on my wrist like this...", he positioned my hand in his as he spoke - with his own holding mine.  His hand was warm & firm -- but gentle.  His pulse was strong & fast.  We held hands like that for about a minute before he spoke again.  "In Asia, we use this technique to learn what the other person is feeling.  I could feel the blood drain from my face as he said that.  I let go of his hand.  He gently released mine.

"What?", I asked. 

"The rising pulse, - dilated pupils & excessive perspiration.  If I was to check your jock, you're sporting wood - deflating at this very moment...", he answered.  I could feel my face flush.  I was sooo busted -- but I couldn't let anyone know!  "It's OK...", he continued.  "I think you're a total stud, too..."

Like instinct, my flight or fight response went directly to fight - as I stood up & threw a kick at Todd's head while yelling some sexual slur.  Effortlessly, Todd deflected my kick & I found myself in the air & then, on the ground.  Did I mention that Todd was a black belt; --  In Aikido, too!

I was wild with anger - driven by total fear of the truth.  Coming back for 2nds, I threw a punch at Todd.  He deflected it as if he knew exactly what was coming before it arrived.  Stepping toward him with a flying fist, he ducked, dodged & threw me over his back onto the mat.  His expression was calm - even understanding as I came in for round 3.  The harder I swung, the harder I fell.  Because Aikido uses the energy of an opponent against them; -- Ironically, as Jim Carry said in the movie "Liar Liar!", - I was "kicking my ass".  Over the next 10 minutes, I proceeded to demonstrate the effectiveness of the Aikido philosophy as I became well acquainted with the mat & all the lumps within it.  Todd never swung a fist at me & he never had a mean look on his face as I cursed, threatened, punched at him - between hitting the mat.  I wanted to die - being defeated by some kind of indestructible fag -- someone only minutes earlier I'd had wood for; - But my secret was now no secret at all.  My world of illusion was shattered & as minute passed into minute -- I became more exhausted & depressed; -- And between punches that hit nothing but air -- I considered how I'd off myself that night. 

With no fight left in me & only tears of panic covering my pain - Todd's last move put me on the mat & pinned me.  Seeing his arm drawn up with the clenched hand aimed at my face, I knew it was over & as I waited for the devastating blow to be planted, I felt uncontrollable sobs make their way to my throat where they pried open my mouth & escaped in tortured cries that racked my whole body in Todd's paralyzing pin.  The final blow never came.  Instead, the hand that could have shattered my face - gently moved down beside it & moving to the back of my neck - raised my head as Todd released his pin & sat there on the mat hugging me close - as I let years of pent up fear & anger pour out in the form of hot tears & gut wrenching sobs.  His gentle hug & strong form cradled my head & torso with such understanding that I found myself hugging him back as I moaned uncontrollably through clenched teeth.

"You are my friend,", Todd whispered is a strong sincere tone, "And I would never disrespect you by exposing your nakedness; -- But with me, you can be naked and without shame."

I was in so much emotional pain -- but blown away that this guy could be so genuine & still consider me a friend -- after what I'd just said & done.  The realization of it racked my body with even more emotion.  I had never known that love like this could exist; -- And it undid me, - it defeated me completely & left no part of my being untouched by it.

Todd simply hugged me as I spilled out all the anger & frustration I'd had at myself for as long as I could recall.  He showed his understanding by nodding & briefly grunting empathetically as I explained how I'd often forced confrontations to cut my feelings off at the pass & by doing so hurt other guys whom I would have preferred be friends - except for the fear of becoming a "fag".  After venting for over an hour & expressing total confusion as to the certainty of my future, Todd put his hand on my shoulder & said, "Sounds like we have a lot in common Bro...".  I looked at him - slightly in disbelief as he continued: "It's been less than a year since I had the balls to admit to myself & Joel ... thank God... what I was going thru. 

"Joel knows about you?", I quizzed...

"Yup ... & he spotted you too.  Pegged you in the first 30 seconds.  Joel use to be a lot different when he was younger. He got honest with himself about 7 years ago & has been helping other guys, like us, ever since."

My jaw was on the floor.  "Both of you are ... are ... are ... you know!?", I yelled in astonishment (I was glad the place was empty).

"Yeah, Joel saved my arse about a year ago when some fags drugged my drink at a party.  They had me tied up & were ready to gang phuck me when Joel found the room where they had me & busted in on them.  Turns out he'd been watching me that night - wanting to introduce himself & his photography business to me, but the party we were at was too animated & crowded.  He saw them screw with my drink & then watched me like a hawk.  I owe the guy my life because 2 of those phuckers were HIV+"

"So you & Joel are ... friends?", I asked.

"We're way better than just friends...", he replied. "Joel is one of those guys who you learn to trust right away.  He got me out of that bad situation & took me to his place.  Watched me all night long until I came out of the drugged stupor I was in.  He was the 1st dude who showed me what it's like to have another guy luv on ya without being interested in a cheap phuck.  For about the 1st week, I didn't even realize that he was into guys ... I mean, he didn't act at all what I thought fags acted like -- like those pricks who drugged me.  When I finally figured out that it was a 'fag' who saved me from the fags ... it dawned on me for the very first time that there were lots of differences between people & that labels often didn't do the job of telling who was who."  

"I wish I had a friend like that...", I commented. "It's just that I can't stand the thought of butt phucking.  Sorry if I offended you - but that shit's sick."

"Let me let you in on a news flash, bro:", Todd replied... "There are lots of guys who are into guys who absolutely hate the whole butt-phuck mentality; - and me & Joel are a couple of real live examples..."

I sat there stunned.  Everything I'd ever heard about fags led to innuendo's about butt-pounding & shit-licking; -- And now the guy who made my heart pound (in more ways than one) was telling me I'd missed some vital information ... information that was the difference between being able to accept myself or not!  "What do you mean?", I spoke as a demand more than a question.

Todd shook his head & began: "Ass phuckers were a minority of fags who gained exposure during the gay liberation years.  Lots of those guys think it makes them more 'mainstream'.", he coughed & continued.  "However, as far as I & lots of other guys are concerned -- the only thing they do is pollute the stream...".  Todd made stronger eye contact as he continued: "My whole upbringing was one that taught respect.  My martial-arts training makes respect a primary focus.  I would never disrespect another person by treating him in such a manner.  That shit goes against everything I believe."

I sat, totally silent - looking into Todd's steel blue eyes - feeling the honesty & sincerity that came through his deep voice.

"Let's get to the hot-tub & get you cleaned up", he suggested.    

Looking at the mirror on the far side of the room, I saw the grime & blood that coated me from the beating I'd put myself through.  I nodded in agreement & Todd stood up offering me a hand.  I reached up & grasped it & he helped me to my feet.  My left side was really sore - as it had hit the mat the most often.  I followed Todd to a large Asian hot tub that was covered with a grey mat to insulate it.  He pulled back the mat & turned the bubbles up.  Turning back to, he stripped down to the raw & stepped into the opaque water.  With his back still toward me, I stripped & stepped into the froth.  The heat felt good as I sat down - with the water churning around my shoulders.  Todd reached for a white facecloth at the tub rail & sat beside me.  I was somewhat apprehensive, but as he began to gently scrub the grime held by blood-smear away from my face, chest & arms -- the feeling of trust I had begun to develop earlier returned -- this time with a feeling of hope.  After a few minutes, he looked at my face & grinned.

"What?", I asked - as if something was making me look funny.

"Scraped & bruised - it's still damn handsome...", Todd commented.  A smile began to crawl across my lips.  For the first time in my life, I was being called 'a stud' by a guy - to my face, & I wasn't freaking out about the 'gay' thing.  The smile continued to grow, but another feeling began to express itself too ... one that I wasn't that familiar with ... overwhelming gratitude.  My eyes began to well with water - despite my smile.  Todd grew a grin on his face & slid a little closer as he wrapped his right arm around my torso.  He pulled me closer & kissed my neck in the most gentle, respectful kiss a pair of lips had ever made on my body.  No woman's kiss could even compare - as an unbelievable feeling - like being wrapped up in joy, - consumed my whole body - pushing me to tears.  Todd's strong arms both embraced me & for the first time in my life -- another guy held his face beside mine as he slowly peppered my neck with kisses that said, "I understand".  His chest muscles slowly moved against my own & my hands soaked in the feel of his rippling back as I hugged him.

I closed my eyes & took a deep breath, - relaxing as the air left my lungs.  For the first time ever, I allowed myself to enjoy being hugged by another dude who I knew was 'into dudes'.  Something about this guy telegraphed 'trust' & 'respect' into the depths of me.  After a few minutes of this silent bonding, Todd whispered, "Come on...".  I opened my eyes as he began to step up & I stood with him.  This time, we were side by side, - naked & not ashamed.  "Get dressed bro & spend the night at my place so we can get you presentable for tomorrow.".  My heart skipped a beat at the thought of spending a night at Todd's place.

"Yeah ... good idea.", I responded in a voice excited but shaky at the same time.  We dried off & I changed into the fresh clothes I had intended to wear after the training.  Leaving the building, we got into his Toyota Tacoma & headed downtown.  We turned onto Elm street - about a block from where I lived & Todd pulled into a garage that had an open door - which closed behind us after we stopped the truck. 

"It's not huge ... but it's secure & it's all mine...", he announced.

I smiled.  "It's a block from where I live.", I mentioned.  Todd smiled & raised his eyebrows a couple of times seductively.  My heart skipped another beat at the sight.

Entering the place, it was pretty neat & there were lots of books laying around.  The living room had a large bumper-pool table in the middle & a shelf crammed with Bruce Lee tapes.  Todd grabbed a large wood cover from near the table & putting it on the table explained that it turned the pool table into his dining-room table.  Sure enough ... it did.  He grabbed a couple of chairs & pulled them to it.

He walked off to an adjacent room explaining that he was going to nuke a couple of TV dinners.  The lights in the place dimmed as the industrial microwave took the frozen dinners to task.  45 seconds later, there was a "ding" as the ready bell sounded.  Todd returned with a couple of turkey-breast dinners, a carton of milk & 2 glasses.  Grinning he said, "There, I'm ready ... feel free to make anything you want in the kitchen."  I feigned being offended with my best 'ticked-off look'.  He responded by saying, "OK ... I'll share ... but only this time...", as he continued grinning. 

He put a dinner in front of me & poured me a glass of milk.  Both were devoured instantly.  Todd watched me eat in mock shock.  "You know...", he started..."Nobody is gonna take your food away from you...".  Glancing over at him, I growled in a deep voice.  He busted out laughing.  Getting up, he got an entire angel food cake from the kitchen, strawberries & whip-cream.  He put the pan between us -- divided the cake down the middle & poured the berries over it & handed me the cream - saying that he didn't touch the stuff.  I put about 6 inches on my half & began to eat.   Between the 2 of us, the cake lasted 3 minutes - not a second more.  Afterward, he grabbed the paper plates & plastic utensils & canned them. 

Finishing with the table, - he took out a large photo album & showed me the history of Todd & martial arts.  As the pages slowly turned, the colors of his belts continued to darken.  I also got to know the guy as he narrated each photo & explained the competition & his preparation for it.  Eventually, I knew about his family, hopes, dreams & some of his friends.  Soon he reached a page that had a picture of him & Joel on it.  "This is where my life changed - big time...", he spoke.

"After Joel saved your arse?", I spoke without considering the pun.

"Yeah...quite literally.", Todd replied with a grin.

"I still don't understand something...", I asked somewhat sheepishly.

"Shoot."

"Well... I've figured out that you & Joel don't do the arse stuff.  So ... what do guys who do guys do - when they don't play in butt holes!", I blurted out.  Joel smiled & shook his head.

"Holding me in the hot tub today...did you feel good?", Todd asked. 

"Phuck yeah!", I replied.  "I was kinda pissed that you made it end so soon."

"Did you at any time get an inclination or feeling that suggested that you plug my butt with your dick?", he pried.

"Phuck no!", I retorted.

"Neither did I.", Todd reassured me. "But you admit that the close contact was nice?"

"Nice is an understatement Bro...", I answered in a half-compliment.  My dick was beginning to inflate.

"Well, it's all about close, tender contact where we never lose respect for each other or think we need to imitate anything other people do - gay or straight.", he summarized.  "Get it?"

"Not really...", I admitted - still oblivious to how guys 'do it' & hoping the stud beside me would show me some 'moves'.

Getting up, Todd walked toward the other room. "Pull your clothes off, bro...", he instructed.  I complied - unbuckling my belt & removing my Levi 550's & then my shirt, socks & briefs.  I was proud of my body & finally, I was with another dude who really liked it too.  I heard that microwave oven come on for about 10 seconds & then off - as Todd returned holding a bottle.  Sitting beside me, he instructed: "Relax backward onto my lap bro & rest your arms up on the sofa's arm."

With some slight apprehension, I laid back onto Todd's lap.  He helped my feet up onto the sofa.  Todd pulled his shirt off too as I sat there drinking in the sight of his powerful upper body.  He squeezed some lotion out of the bottle & as he applied it to my chest, I realized the microwave had heated it.  As he firmly & slowly brought in both hands, the  feel of the warm massage wasted me as his strokes moved out to my arms, pits, neck & legs, -- everywhere his hands could reach except my manhood.  I'd never had another dude treat me so kindly.  He slow rubbed a lot of the soreness out of me.  Soon, my thoughts began to drift & I was out.

I awoke laying nude in the lap of the most handsome guy I'd ever sparred with.  His right arm was laying across my chest & his head was cocked sideways & resting on the upper part of the sofa.  His hands were strong & still - except for little occasional twitches that barely moved his fingers & caused his lower lip to quiver just a little.  His breathing was slow & I could see his pulse in his neck.  I laid there - looking at him.  Reaching up with my left hand, I took his right hand in it.  It was warm & strong - even relaxed.  As he exhaled thru his nose, I could barely feel part of his breath move across my chest.  Looking at him sleeping so trustingly with me made me realize that this feeling I was having was part of the trust & respect he had talked about.  It wasn't about 'sex'.  I mean, sure -- he was sexy & at the moment - probably the sexiest dude I'd ever been near -- but what I was feeling went way deeper than that.  I wanted this guy in my life as part of it, - not merely as some person on the outside.  I wanted to be close to him - so close we were virtually sharing the same skin.  I wanted to be 'good' to him & that feeling of wanting the good for him made this feeling wonderfully different -- as if my happiness was somehow connected to helping him feel happy.  Pleasing him, would please me.  Success would be in the mutual sharing of the feeling. 

I squeezed his hand a little bit.  His eyes slowly opened & he smiled as he looked down at me.  Leaning over, he planted a warm dry kiss on my forehead.  My heart skipped a beat.  "Let's get into a real bed...", he suggested.  I sat up & he followed.  Then he stood up, & I followed.  Holding out his right hand, I took it & he led me through the dark house to his bedroom.  The room smelled of clean sheets & faint cologne.  He didn't even turn on the light as he pulled back the covers on his twin sized bed.  With the room dimly lit from the bathroom nightlight across the hall -- he stripped all the way to the raw & sleepily slid to the far side of the bed.  With my heart racing, I swallowed hard as I slid in behind him.

Then, Todd proceeded to - go to sleep.  He was facing the wall - away from me, but 15 minutes or so after beginning to breathe deeply in his slumber -- he mumbled something & rolled toward me & onto his back.  Since it was only a twin bed, I was now on my side teetering near the edge with his naked form pushed up against me - in the bed center.  I balanced myself there on the edge for a few minutes - not wanting to wake him, & not wanting to fall off.  Relaxing was not an option in this position.  I decided if I could get an arm under his lower back & a leg over his, I could leverage myself enough not to fall off.  There was also something incredibly erotic about the thought about wrapping myself up with this guy - too.  I slid my left arm under his lower back & then put my right leg over his right leg so that my knee rested between his lower thighs & my foot between his upper ankles.  I wrapped my right arm across his chest as I rested my head on his inner right shoulder - almost on his pec.

The feeling of closeness is something I never wanted to end.  My strength mingled with his - the feel of his trusting nakedness in my embrace; -- those feelings of warmth & compassion I had felt earlier were turned up 1000%.  I could put no price on the one I had in my gentle hug.  I would indeed be willing to die for this -- to know this & to share it with another - with the one in my embrace.  The feel of his warm body -- his breathing - & that strong throbbing heart: Naked, vulnerable & beautiful beyond mere words...  I planted a gentle kiss directly on his right pec's nipple.  With my head sideways on his outer pec, I listened to all the sounds his heart & breathing made -- trying to etch them into my brain - to remember them forever.  I must have drifted off to sleep listening to what was quickly becoming my favorite song: Todd's bod.

I woke up a while later.  It only took a few moments to recall where I was & who I was wrapped around.  I didn't want it to end, but I needed to change my position because my left side was hurting from the beating I'd put myself thru earlier that previous day.  Todd seemed to be out like a light & minor shaking didn't wake him.  I figured that since he was center on the bed - that I'd simply crawl over him & take the mirror-image position that I'd been sleeping with.  I started by lifting my right leg.  With my right arm, I reached around & pulled Todd's legs together so that I could straddle him in order to get across.  I withdrew my left arm from under him & noticed it was a little bit numb.  Next, I slid my entire body so that I was straddling him.  My right knee firmly docked on the other side of his muscular left leg.  His body was throwing off large amounts of heat.  I decided to keep my head & torso low - so not to throw all that heat away by lifting the blankets high into the air on my shoulders as I crossed over.

As I slowly moved my head across his body I took in the clean smells of soap, cologne & maybe a little chlorine from the hot tub we'd been in.  The little hairs that came off his body -- especially his chest-center & pleasure trail lightly met my lips & nose as I traveled across his manscape.  My erection rested heavily on his flaccid penis & balls as I leaned closely over him.

When just making it past the half-way point, Todd let out a sighed-groan & I could feel his strong leg muscles flex under me as he stretched.  When he couldn't spread them (due to each of my knees planted on each side of him), he instinctively brought his arms in where his strong hands found my lower sides & then slid up over my obloquies, - as he groggily let out an "Mmmmm" from deep in his throat.  He slowly slid his hands back down over my sides & then back up.  "Oh, yeah...", whispered out of him as his penis swung from pointing south between his balls to hard-north in just over 30 seconds.  My heart pounded in my ears.  Todd then moved both hands up again & slid them around as far onto my back as they'd reach as he applied some pressure - pulling my chest toward his.  Instinctively, I lowered myself onto him feeling all the hairs on his chest & abs reach up to greet mine.  I slid my arms between his back & the mattress -- my left higher than my right.  His arms surrounded me too as I wrapped my legs around his as he cued me by lifting his knees slightly.  "Mmmmmm", he gently growled in a soft tone.  "I just want to drink you up slowly, bro...", he continued.  My dick was a steel pole that rested beside his.  As his gave a lone, hard throb, Todd's whole body stiffened some as his luv hungry muscles helplessly reacted to the sensation.  Moments later, my steel pole introduced itself with a 'hard-throb-howdy'.  I had never known such a feeling in my life.  I rubbed my stubble slowly with Todd's.  He responded by moving his face in the other direction & then lightly kissing me on the neck as he raised his jaw slightly to reach the underside of mine. 

Our motions were slow & extremely tender as we slowly rubbed our faces together & exchanged subdued kisses on the cheeks, jaws, neck & occasionally the lips as we passed the other's on our way to smootch the other side of the other's face.  The arteries in his neck pulsed beneath my lips as his heart pounded out the message of male sensuality.  We held each other firmly as we breathed each other's exhaled air & enjoyed the feel of each others muscles rippling against each other.  All the fine hairs on my body were telling me about each of his movements as our muscles slowly crawled against each other making love in the language of 'male'.  Every time his dick would throb, Todd would stiffen as a little puff of air jumped from his mouth & nose.  I tried to ignore it -- wanting the sensation of slow luv'n on him to last; -- But his reaction was too hott for me to turn the effects off from & inevitably - my cock would stiffen beside his as it encouraged him along.  After a few minutes, our abs were beginning to get slippery as we both were leaking prejizz like a faucet.  It was hot & our heaving abs begin to stick together whenever our breathing went out of sync.  After 10 minutes or so, Todd body began to stiffen harder & lose the ability to suppress his gentle groans as his cock began to convulse with ever increasing frequency.   He had his mouth open as his breathing was becoming more intense.  Instinctively, I slowly moved my feet along his lower legs, ankles & toes as I soaked in all the ways his reactions made his muscles react & his extremities respond.  After about 15-20 minutes or so of slow luv'n on each other, Todd's whole body began to stiffen & he whispered, "Bro ... I'm gonna lose it...".  His whole body continued to stiffen & his back arched.  I felt his hands on my back as they stiffened & his fingers spread some while at the same time he hugged me tighter.  His dick was hardening to rock solidness beside mine - causing mine to do the same; - And then I felt that intense pressure at the base of my nuts that caused me to groan & stiffen in pleasure as hot jizz was mixed in all the right places as my dick got ready to shoot it.  I hugged Todd tighter & soaked up the feel of his pleasured, hard body in my embrace (& me in his) as we both began to cum - intensely.  Time seemed to stand almost still as we cuddled each other in deep groanings as we emptied the storehouse of sexual tension - each in a series of full voluminous shots of jizz that that exploded in wave after wave of hott, creamy syrup that coaxed each cock to vomit more of the same.  We each shot out several days worth of sexual tension.  There was so much nutt that it covered our abs - flowed towards our pecs & down between us into our crotches - & finally out into the sheets.  The experience was so erotic that for a few seconds, I thought my dick may never stop pumping - because I could feel so much fluid volume in each shot.  Todd's nutt lasted a long time too with numerous "aftershocks" that stretched the experience out for well over a minute. 

As he caught his breath, he slowly began to caress my back as he planted a series of tender kisses on my neck & right cheek.  I breathed heavily as I recovered my composure.  I realized that I still had all manner of warm feelings inside for Todd as I caressed & cuddled him back.  I just wanted to be with him - now & forever - best friends if there ever were 2 best friends.  Finally I understood how (2) guys could be together & have an amazing sexual experience without either being bitched or the least hint of disrespect becoming part of the equation.  Everything began to change with that experience.

As time passed, Todd & I quickly fell deeply, madly in love with each other.  With his help, I progressed to darker & darker belts.  I also began to look up guys I'd been cruel to in the past - for no reason other than my paranoia about who might be look'n at me the wrong way, - & I apologized for being such a dick & asked if each would consider forgiving me.  For a while, it was a real tense situation for quite a few of them -- because they'd hear that "I was look'n for them".  Sometimes, I get a guy cornered in the locker room & tell everyone else to get lost.  I'll never forget the wide-eyed looks of apprehension as many of these guys thought they were gonna get a beat'n.  Everyone accepted my apology (imagine that) & my friendships began to grow in number quite dramatically. 

At the same time, Todd & several of his friends (Joel, etc), began to show me how men in ancient civilizations like Greece had accepted intimate male/male relationships are a normal part of society (yawn).  However, in these cultures of education & civil thought, -- butt phuckers were n0t accepted (M/M/F).  I learned that their laws often punished acts of moral lewdness --  often ANAL-S3X!   In Greek culture & several others, - people understood that the issue was not the gender mix, but certain acts that all tended to be socially disastrous (& in an ancient culture without antibiotics & antivirals, - acts that spread disease were usually forbidden)!  I also discovered that it was only when buttphuckers came to power that the practice got 'state-support' - as does any social ill when the socially irresponsible crowbar the law in such a manner as to make what is dangerous - legal: Law by whim!  Todd & Joel explained that because of mass misinformation, this country was generally ignorant of the differences between samesex love vs. moral turpitude (I.E: ANAL-S3X).  They showed me where politics & religion had fatally blurred - what had been (in earlier civilizations), a very distinct line.  It was this 'blurring' - & the lies it spawned that was the reason I had been so terrified of my own feelings for so long.  The message the sex-'education'<sic> people taught was a 'gay = buttphucker' lie.  Todd told me that before I met him, - I had been acting on good instincts - just some disinformation.  It's a wonderful thing to be understood...

Well, my Sr. Year ... I got vocal.  Everybody who knew me knew I believed that buttphucking was dead-wrong[.]  I began to use statistics - even about condoms & how often they failed.  The only group/s that had a problem with my message were those that promoted buttphucking.  They called me 'homophobic', 'intolerant', 'bigoted', 'insensitive' & a lot of other names that merely wanted to focus on me instead of the issue... the issue that was killing people; - while accusing men who loved men of playing in shit. 

Once I hit 18, Todd & I began to be more open with our affection.  We touched a lot & always had an arm around each other.  People began to talk ... but there was confusion in their own minds as to what they were actually talking about.  People began to talk about 'the guy with the boyfriend but wasn't a fag'.  That's right.  That was how 'Joe-public' characterized the 'situation'. 
Word got back to us:  People were debating 'what it was we did when alone'.  Everyone knew that I was vocal against buttphuckers -- & the local gay groups didn't want to have anything to do with me or 'my issue' (big loss...not)!   Some people made the mistake of making a buttphuck comment/accusation within earshot ... earshot of a guy & / his paramour who were each various degree black-belts in karate.  You can imagine the outcomes...

P-FlAG:
I found some groups that were open minded - some so open minded that their brains leaked out.  I wanted to mention this one because they are so supportive in many ways - but I think it's time that facts spoke for themselves. Anal kills[.]  Any questions? I was at a PFLAG meeting & in a conversation with some people when I made it clear that I thought anal-sex was morally wrong because of the STD's it spread wildly & the parody of M/F sex which essentially makes a guy's arse a proxy for a khunt.  Someone tried to excuse the issue by stating: "Why, that's just a behavior.  One among many."  Not content to let such idiocy slip unchallenged, I asked the person who made the comment if he'd mind if I used his handkerchief to wipe my arse.  For some reason, he seemed put-off by the idea.  When I asked him why, he told me that such a thing was unsanitary.  I drew his attention to the fact that he was simply going to blow snot into it anyhow -- & that my wiping my butt with it was "just a behavior.  One among many."
Can you believe that they didn't invite me to be a guest speaker at the next meeting!

God Hates Fags:
I found this group of picketers to be one of the most convoluted groups of thinkers I've ever met.  They came to town and while I was out & about, I stopped by their demonstration.  One guy was holding a sign that said: "FAG = Anal Sex = Death".  Well, seeing that we seemed to be on the same page, I walked over to him & introduced myself.  I explained that I sure appreciated him getting the warning about anal sex out.  Well, he seemed to warm right up to me after that & he spent a good deal of time discussing Sodom & Gomorrah, unnatural affections, the Democratic party & other "abominations" too numerous to recount.  Well, as I was wishing him the best with his public health awareness campaign -- along came Todd & put an arm around me from behind pulling me close in a hug; -- & then he left his arm around my back.  As I explained to Todd about the public awareness campaign the guy holding the sign was engaged in, -- for some reason, the sign waver's demeanor got a 'look of enigma' about it as silence - & then visible discomfort seemed to overcome him.  Soon, one of the other picketers came over & stood within earshot as Todd & I discussed the perils of unhealthy behavior.  He interrupted us to ask us the "nature of our relationship".  We told him that we were "domestic partners".  Then, for some bizarre reason, he pointed at the sign the other guy was holding & began to declare God's disgust with sodomites & then suggested that Todd & I "Repent!" of our "ways".   So, I asked him which "ways" he meant.  He pointed back at the sign.  I then explained that we weren't involved in any of those "ways" & expressed appreciation for his group's public-health awareness campaign.  Confusion seemed to envelop the man as he went off mumbling to himself; -- & the man who had been waving the sign took a coffee break or something.  Several people on the far sidewalk seemed to be crying - but closer analysis revealed that they were laughing so hard that they were crying.  I wonder why.

Well, what's going on has been going on since the beginning of recorded time -- only a bizarre twist has occurred in the 20th century: Butt-phucking became popular among a vocal minority & soon, every ignoramus with a vile imagination was pushing the notion that male/male sexuality automatically included that act.  To such an assertion, many men say: "Bullshit"!  Imagine - a group of men who love men, who don't mind the so-called "sodomy laws"!  Because of the gender-bending head game & dangerous nature of anal sex, - we prefer that it had remained outlawed!  What has been the real tragedy is that genuine masculine love & male affection toward other men has been stigmatized by a bunch of propaganderized no-brains - who automatically ASSume a couple of men who are being affectionate toward each other will ultimately butt-phuck!  Not so!  Tender images like the 3 above become viewed as preludes to butt-phucking in the eyes of the uninformed; -- When the truth is that men can love men & remain masculine, respectful, tender, & free of the stigma of filth.

Finally, after years of not knowing how to identify each other along these lines; -- This website has arrived with the right message for the right men!  Thank you from all of us G0YS!!!