Homophobes: I found them quite rewarding ... (1) in particular.  They are mostly composed of guys who are terrified that someone will find out that they dig other guys.  I suspect about 70% of homophobes suppress same-sex attractions.   One former homophobe that comes to mind was Chad Allen.  By now we all know that Chad has mellowed with age & joined the "gAy" community.  Of course - g0ys didn't exist as a term when he had his epiphany with his buddy-luv feelings.  Whether he is one of the large numbers of g0ys within the gAy community - is not known.  He may be in for yet another epiphany.

I was a homophobe too. When I look back & search for reasons -- it wasn't the people that frightened me as much as the reputation for fem & filth gay guys had.  My friends for the most part believed those stigmas 101% and ran from association of anyone who was identified as a 'carrier'.  Since I didn't relate to any of that gAy/fem shit - I loudly opposed "fags".  In a way - I believed that if I opposed the concepts I detested -- I would remain separate from their stigmas - even though I was totally attracted to guys. In a way, I did - & since discovering this group - I knew my aversion to the clusterphuck called "queer" was the correct posture for me then - & now.  You see - I was a boy scout too. Now, if 10% of boy scouts were occasionally caught swimming in cess-pools (& even expected to do that) - I wouldn't have been one.  Sure - I'd still be a "boy" ... but not a "boy-scout".  So, when over +70% of gAy guys do the butt-nasty (swim in cess-holes), -- I want nothing to do with the lot of them.  Too risky.  Fags can't see the analogy..  Shallow phucks... 

When I hit 16, I toned my hate-fags-tude down a little - probably from a line in Shakespeare about the madam "protesting too much".  Actually - it was that line that got me thinking about my responses; -- & the possibility that other guys with the same might be pulling the same con.

Since I was totally into the whole "being a stud" thing - attitude & all, - I began to make a list of the guys I knew who were totally hott & totally homo-hostile.  Me thought the gentlemen protested too much- too.  From the list, I selected (3) dudes.  I didn't get past the first.

His name was Jon Carlos. He was Latin/Italian & from a strict Catholic home.  His parents were textbook stereotypes of their ethnic heritage.  Jon was cocky & popular.  He always had women swooning whenever he'd saunter down the hall.  He played football & a bunch of other contact sports.  He was the most hostile guy I knew when the topic was 'fags'.  It had to be a smokescreen - even though he played the part flawlessly. 

But here's the challenge: You don't walk up to a guy who's a wall of muscle & testosterone - and call him a closet-case (unless you'd like to become a coffin-case).  This was gonna take some work - but not that much - I suspected.

You see, Jon wasn't the only ones making the ladies swoon.  I always had a cheerleader or two batting eyelashes at me & I played that tune like a pro.  I was completely limp-dick'd around them; - but a few had started 'rumors'.  These rumors - I neither confirmed nor denied.  However - between my reputation, sports, my attitude & genetics - I had this feeling that Jon might be open to some deeper bonding - in private.

Although I was near the top of the guy-food-chain, I needed to see if he was checking me out at all.  I hid a camcorder in my locker with the lens aimed at the shower entry.  I made sure to time mine so that Jon was already out while I was getting out.  The goal was to seem inattentive to him & let the camera catch if he was scoping me out while I wasn't looking.  I knew I need to be almost alone with him -- because I never scoped other guys when I suspected anyone could see me look'n.  Late Friday after practice Jon got picked to do equipment check.  Since it takes over an hour - I offered to help him "because I had the time & he'd owe me one".  He accepted.

I tossed him an energy drink & the ingredients get your mouth running.  We talked about trivial shit while we counted, moved boxes & looked for mislabeled stuff.  Getting done, we decided to hit the shower.  I suddenly "remembered" a couple of boxes I needed to recount & told him to get going without waiting for me.  He did - reluctantly.  Once he was in the shower, I hit the locker room & turned the camera on & took my sweet time stripping down.  After about 5 minutes, I walked into the shower.  We made some more small talk & he soon finished & walked back into the locker room.  I washed down another few minutes & then walked into the locker room with my towel - pretending to be less than attentive as to what Jon was doing.  I kept the small talk going & then looking at his chest said, "Man - I don't think you can buy a tan like that..."

Jon looked down & smiled. "Well, actually - you can."

I turned back to & continued drying myself.  "Do you use a booth or just genetics?", I asked - still back-to.

"Booth - membership at Med-Tan.", he answered.

I glanced back again at him: "Nice...  Expensive?"

"Not when you've got somebody on the inside...", he smiled.

"I'd have to lay in the sun for 3 days in a row to get that color.", I commented.  "Hook me up - cock-blocker..", I spoke with a demanding tone. He grinned & said he'd "see"... & left it at that.  Other than that - it was basically small talk.  When I got home & played the video back - I was blown away.  The guy was totally checking me out while he thought I wasn't looking.  Any movement that suggested I might look at him caused him to deflect his eyes -- but it was unmistakable: It was like watching a hidden cam of myself checking him out!  Jonny-stud likes boyz!  Time for stage #2.

The next time I saw Jon - I asked him about his "tan-connection".  He said he'd take me there.  After school, we took his truck to the salon & he introduced me to this chick named "Mia".  He told her that we were sports buddies & then we talk little shit with her for about half an hour.  Jon said he was gonna tan & asked if I wanted to.  I told him I didn't have a membership & Mia rescued the day by giving me a season pass (oh, how unpredictable).  Jon told her what a great person she was & then we went into the facility.  Since we had passes, I suggested we train using this equipment - as it was better than the schools.  Jon said he was already ahead of me in that department - but we could develop a parallel routine.  Well, we did & over the next trimester, we hooked up there every other day to work out & tan. 

At the end of the month - I lucked out completely as my parents told me they were going to my grandmother's for 3 days & I'd be home alone.  It was totally socialization time!  I invited a bunch of friends to the place on Friday night & Jon was the first.  Dates were OK -- but nobody could bring booze because of all the shit that can happen.  Also -- no falling-down drunks allowed.  Friday couldn't get there soon enough & about 10 people showed up in addition to me & Jon.  We danced & used the pool until about 2AM - when people decided it was late & wanted to do other things.  Some even left before then.  Soon it was only me, Jon & 2 other guys left & we were having 2-on-2 water polo in the pool until about 3AM.  The other two guys decided to leave about then so Jon helped me pick the place up.  At 4AM, we were ready to relax.  We each took turns showering & changing into sweat pants.

Going into the sitting room, I put a movie in & sat on the sofa - in the middle.  Jon sat on the left & my dog "Jake" hopped up on my right & pestered me to scratch his head.  Jon watched as I paid attention to Jake - hugging, patting & general horsing around with him.  Eventually, Jake hopped down & went to the kitchen where he probably ate a box of Jake-food or something.

Jon was still shirtless & in his baggy gray sweats.  I intentionally moved my head like I was checking out the back of his neck.  A questioning look crossed his face. "What ... what is it?", he asked.

"Looks like you've got some swelling on the back side of your neck.  Turn facing away...", I replied.  He turned back-to to me. I reached up & moved my fingers around on both halves of the back side of his neck.

"Is it bad?", he asked.

"I think you'll live...", I replied as I began to slow massage his neck - up to the back of his head. "I don't feel any insect bites.  Maybe you did something in the pool?"

"Yeah ... probably got raked playing polo...", he replied with a relaxed inflection in his tone. 

"The pH in the pool is probably off some.", I said while still rubbing. "That makes the skin react by swelling sometimes."

I slid back some & pulled Jon toward me.  The motion lifted his legs up onto the sofa as I rolled his torso toward me some -- all while continuing to rub his upper back & neck. "You're treating me like the dog...", Jon smiled as he remembered out loud how I'd played with the dog minutes earlier.

"Well, I'm not gonna treat a dog better than I'd treat my buddy...", I answered as I kept up the massage.  Jon just let out a gentle groan.  Soon his body relaxed into mine with his face buried in the cave of my neck & he began to twitch as sleep overcame him.  Here I was with one of the best look'n guys in school sleeping in my hug - a guy who was a known homophobe - now cuddled up with another guy.  I slowly used the remote control to turn the TV off.  I laid there in the dark with Jon sleeping in my hug on top of me - slightly off to one side.  As dawn slowly crept in - I enjoyed the look of his masculine heft & the feel of his weight bearing down on me - totally relaxed in my embrace.

At about 7AM - after cuddling into Jon's exhausted bod for a few hours - I decided that moving to my bedroom would extend the experience - because with my shades pulled & curtains drawn - it was almost pitch black. "Jonny...", I whispered as I shook him gently.  He stirred slightly & stretched some - wrapping his arms tighter around my upper body.

"Hmmm?", he grogilly responded. 

"Let's head into the other room ... More comfortable.", I replied.  I began to move to sit up & Jon dropped his feet over the side to the floor.  He sleepily followed me into my bedroom & sat on the edge of the bed with his head lowered in near-sleep as I pulled the blinds & shades.  Getting into the bed, I put an arm around Jon & gently pulled him toward me as I laid back.  As I pulled the covers up - he rotated toward me & slid his upper body partially atop of me & put his arms around me as I slid my hand up onto his neck & lightly rubbed on him.  I could tell he wasn't as tired as when he first laid on the sofa & now his breathing was faster & skin warmer as I casually cuddled into him. 

"Feel OK?", I asked.

"Yeah ... really good...", Jon whispered back.

"Do me a favor bro & slide your lower bod over to evenly distribute your weight...", I suggested while sliding my hand down onto Jon's left leg & pulling gently toward me.  He followed thru sliding his pelvis up on top of mine & resting his legs in the slight hollow made as I bent my knees & bowed them out slightly.  He was navel to navel, pec to pec with me & as he rested his head next to mine - I could feel the definite stiffness between his legs that docked up beside mine - separated by our sweats. 

I slow massaged him for a while & gradually slowed my pace as I twitched a little & gave the impression that I was getting too groggy to keep rubb'n on him.  Soon I rested my hands on his bare back & concentrated on breathing in time with him.  Every time his dick would twitch or stiffen - mine would answer back in kind.  His strong heart was pounding & his breathing was deep as over the next half hour - without either of us moving a muscle - our dicks slowly teased each other closer to the edge.  Our heartbeats were in the sky & our physiques pressed front to front with the movement of our heaving abs in a passionate dance called 'breathing' - the intensity began to ramp up as I heard Jonny swallow hard - followed a moment later by a hard throb as his engorged cock signaled it's final intentions.  Mine responded in kind without the least effort or control on my part. A couple of seconds later, another hard throb telegraphed itself through the material between our dicks.  Mine replied - just a little bit quicker.  Picking up the pace, his immediately signaled again.  The feelings between us were unspeakable as with the next throb I began to feel a fullness at the base of my balls growing in intensity.  The next throb of his cock was more urgent & Jon's breathing took a sharper turn & his back muscles began to stiffen some.  I don't know how I could tell -- but his penis remained slightly harder after that throb & as mine began to stiffen intensely in reply his immediately throbbed again.  The fullness at the base of my balls became like fire as my dick stiffened to it's hardest point. His was at the same point as I felt his abs stiffen some against mine.  Like a reflex, he slid both of his arms around my back & me his as his tight muscular body pushed his groin in tighter to mine.  I could feel the entire hard length of his cock through the material between us as he let out a gasp.  Then - without asking permission from either of us - our dicks began to frantically pump out the fire from the base of our balls in near-sync with each other so that we could each feel the spasms along the shaft of each other's cock as each gush of hot man sauce was expelled along the length & out the end where a wet, hot stain mingled our seed through the material's thickness.  That intense feeling was only as pleasurable as it was because of the buddy I had my arms around & the warm emotions I had for him all the way to the pit of my gut. 

After a minute or so of climax & gradual resolving - our mutual embrace relaxed some.  I pushed the blanket off our upper bodies so that the sweat that had been mingling between us could evaporate. The cool air felt good & soon the skin of his back was dry & smooth.  Another few minutes passed & Jon whispered, "Bathroom" as he slid his hands out from underneath me & slid off.  He walked to the bathroom guided by the tini nightlight within it.  He took a long piss & I could hear the sink as he washed up.  I was waiting when he came out & I went in to do the same.  The unmistakable smell of Jonny's spunk hung gently in the air as the evaporation of mine from the front of my sweats joined it.  I washed my hands & slowly opened the door.  Jon was standing there with a fresh set of briefs "Hey, is it Ok if I take a quick shower?", he asked. 

"I was thinking the same thing.", I smiled.  "After you...", I suggested. Jon made it quick &.I made mine quicker.  Upon leaving the bathroom, I noticed that Jon was sitting on the bed's edge looking somewhat introspective.  "Head reeling about what happened between us earlier?", I asked in a soft tone. 

He looked up at me.  Even in the dim light I could make out the reflection of tears on his lower eyelids. "Yeah...phuck'd up, huh?", he answered in a whispered - yet self-deprecating tone.

I thought for a few seconds & replied: "I don't agree. There was nothing phuck'd up about it - or you...".  I sat down beside Jon & put an arm around him - pulling him closer. 

I could hear his tears fall & land on the rug as he whispered through clenched teeth: "I so - do not - want to turn into a fag..."

"Bro...", I began. "Fags pretend that guys are chicks ... either themselves or some other guy."  Jon lifted his head & looked at me as I continued. "Nobody played the bitch in my bed tonite; -- & if anyone ever implied that you were a fag - they'd tangle with my arse-kicking personality." Jon continued to look at me while he tried to understand the distinction. "Dude ... you have an impression in your mind about what queers do - right?"  Jon nodded.  Well, the reason I was able to share the sack with you was because what we did today didn't match the mental picture you have of fags, right?" Jon was thinking as he nodded again.  "Bro ... we both work out hard & we're in our sexual prime.  Most guys would kill to look like we do.  That fact that we each recognize how good each other looks is simply a case of seeing the truth.  I'm not turned off with the male bod - as long as it's in good shape.  Like you, - I can't stand visualizations that would disrespect guys.  I don't empathize with butt-phucking a guy - ever.  That shit is the pinnacle of disrespect."  Jon was nodding in agreement as I continued: "That's what fags are notorious for Bro - disrespect: Some guy playing the bitch for another guy.  That shit is unnatural. And - that shit has got nothing to do with the respect & admiration I feel for you.  You're a solid dude who happens to be a total buff stud. Just so happens - you're my buddy too.  And ya know what?" Jon listened intently as I went on: "I love being around you - like some of what makes you so awesome is gonna rub off onto me.  I care about you as a friend a whole lot deeper than just team stuff - & I have the mindset between my ears to make you feel as good as you make me by simply being around.  Because your bod is so good look'n -- I'm not put off by touching you & I like watching what being gentle to you does to your feelings.  Making you feel good makes me feel good.  All that skin on skin would give most guys wood -- especially when they feel about the other guy the same way.  No matter what the response -- it's what being best friends is all about: unconditional accepting the other guy.  Nothing about it is disrespectful; & nothing about it says you can't be into chicks too.  It's love bro - but what guys feel for guys without ever losing total respect for them as guys. Fags don't have that but even if they do -- they've done a great job of hiding it so well that I don't want to be associated with them.  I can't stand being around arse phuck'rs - because they represent total disrespect to what being a man is about.  But none of their shit has anything to do with a guy as great as you."

Jonny buried his head in my shoulder & whispered over his choked tears, "That's exactly what I've been feeling - all jumbled up inside; --You just sorted them out & made them make perfect sense...perfect total sense."

"It's what best friends do Bro...", I replied - followed by giving him a kiss on the forehead.  He wrapped his hug fuller around me & his soft sobs gradually turned into soft kisses.

I pulled him up onto the bed & we wrapped up in each other for a long overdue full sleep.  From that day on, Jonny was different.  He had a much clearer understanding of his feelings & that his animosity toward "fags" was actually an anger directed at guys who disrespected the masculine persona.  Respect is integral to love - not a separate thing that guys can ignore without losing a basic part of what being a guy is all about.

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