I've been coming to this site for a while now. I'm in my Jr. year in HS. For as long as I can recall, I've had feelings for certain guys I've known. Usually it's a guy on the team -- but sometimes I'll see a guy & get that feeling in my gut that wants to be a lot closer. I've always pushed these feelings down because, I always thought I might be turning into a fag or something. I date chicks too -- so I've had this battle going on inside myself for as long as I can recall.
Because I date chicks, no one suspects that I have these other feelings. The stuff they teach in sex-ed has not been any help at all. Then there are these guys who are "out" as gay at school & to be honest, for the most part - they offend my sense of being a guy.
Anyway, I have this cousin named Chad who's a little older than me & I've hung out with my whole life. He lives out of my town & goes to a different school, but we still manage to go out. Well, over my birthday, Chad invited me to go out on the weekend. We ended up going to this party & somebody spiked the punch (not like we didn't know, but could pretend we didn't). Like normal, all these chicks are hitting on me & offering me more punch, food, whatever. Anyway, I'm scoping out this red head, when this dude shows up at the party. Instantly I get that feeling -- & it's really strong, like maybe the punch is making it stronger. I dunno. Anyway, a bunch of guys say hello to him & he begins to mingle. I keep glimpsing him out of the corner of my eye -- even though I don't want to look, I keep stealing glances of the guy. The dude was totally good looking & some of the chicks who'd been hitting on me begin hitting on him. He's friendly and all like he's interested, but it seemed like he kept glancing at me. Turns out it was his parent's house & he'd just got home. Well, my cousin ends up introducing me to the guy (because we're at his party & it's my birthday), & he seemed really nice. The guy's name is Brad & he plays on another team, so I thought that maybe I just recognized him from somewhere else & that's why I kept glancing at him.
Well, the night moved on and I ended up having about 4 glasses of punch & feeling kinda strange. I wanted to have a good time, but I kept feeling that what I really wanted was to get alone with Brad & know him better. I had all these feelings & silent voices arguing in my head, & now my head was in a buzz-fog.
Well, Chad ended up leaving with a chick he met there. He said he'd be back but I had my doubts (she was gonna drive his car, if you see what the punchline was). I waited there until 2AM & no Chad, -- so Brad - who had been bidding everyone "farewell" as they left the party told me it would be OK to stay there. To say I had mixed feelings would be an understatement. Anyway, what was I to do. He seemed like a decent enough guy.
He told me to follow him & he led me to a bedroom downstairs with a large bath attached. I figured it was a guest room. Anyway, he asked if I needed to shower & stuff -- but I told him I had night before I came to the party, so I was all set. We sat on the bed & just talked about everything & nothing. Brad had a good sense of humor and there was something about his voice that I could listen to all night. His storytelling & gestures we punctuated with laughs & he'd occasionally touch me while telling his stories about this game or that party. I mostly grinned & nodded throwing in a comment now & then, but what I was really doing was drinking this guy in with my eyes & ears. He had a really tight bod with an awesome face & great personality. The way the guy moved was even a turn on. I just wanted to wrap up in the guy. Well, he ended up making some comment about keeping me up & he should let me sleep. At the same time, he rested his hand on my neck & gave a firm squeeze. I lowered my head & gave a warm groan of pleasure, "Mmmmmm".
Brad squeezed again & asked, "Sore from sports". I said yeah & that if felt really good when he did that. Anyway, he said "No prob", & that he was considering going into "sports medicine or something". Anyway, he kept massaging & moving down my back. As he did, he didn't talk as much either. I played it like I was relaxed, but my heart was pounding & my Dick was almost splitting my crotch. When Brad got near the base of my shirt, he tugged the tucked material out of my pants & told me to lift my arms. As I did he pulled the shirt off me & began to massage my neck & shoulders again. Then he took one hand off my shoulder & continued to rub with the other.
Then I heard a "click" & the room went black as the light was out. Then he began using both hands again & applied some pressure on my chest indicating that he wanted me to lay back instead of sitting. I did & he began to slow stroke along my chest & abs. My eyes began to adjust & the covers of the bed had dim orange glow from the electric blanket control at the head -- that lit orange. Brad said it was warm & then peeled his shirt off. He massaged my upper body for a few more minutes & asked if my legs were sore too. I said yes & he undid my belt & got everything loosened & told me to lift my butt. He slid my pants off & pulled my socks at the same time. The I could hear him stripping down. He pulled the covers back & lifted my legs as he helped me under them & then he slid into bed beside me. I'd never been so turned on in my life. He reached down & started to massage my knees & worked his way up my thighs. When he got to my upper right hip near my abs, my dick was so hard it was beginning to crawl out of my shorts. When his hand brushed it, it was like electricity went through me. This guy had me totally in his control. I figured that if he made a big deal about me having a hard on, I could always to pretend to be asleep anyhow.
Well, he ran his knuckles along my shaft & caused it to jump hard. All he said was, "Kewl". My heart wanted to race out of my chest as he moved his hands so that he was lifting the waistband over my swollen dick & sliding the underwear down. I lifted my butt slightly to allow them to slide without seeming to be "helping" him undress me. He moved his hands to my knees & pushed them apart some & moved his body so that his knees were together between mine as he kneeled over me. Laying down, his bare chest met mine as our crotches docked. I realized that he must have completely undressed earlier when he stood up after removing my pants & socks. It was the most intense feeling I'd ever had & I wrapped my arms around his torso & fed my hands with the feel of his smooth skin on rippling muscles. He arched his back some & slid his cock along mine. The intensity caused me to spit a gasp as I brought my lower legs over his & hugged him close as I caused our dicks to slide against each other. His body stiffened & so did mine as we both shot a hott round of dick drool together & slathered the slime over the other dude's jumping shaft to make his nutt last & so prolong the experience for ourselves.
After, I had such good feelings for Brad, and I couldn't see the act as
"gay" even though I'd just popped with another Bro. Brad ended up
cuddling & massaging me to sleep. When I woke up, I remembered the whole
thing so it wasn't like I had been "blitzed".
Not only that, but I had
an arm wrapped around Brad. "Phuck, he's a beautiful dude." I thought to
myself. He had dark brown hair, an olive complexion & thick eyebrows.
His complexion was near perfect & he was proportioned so well. His dick
was uncut & hung low & his legs had these big muscles hanging relaxed off
strong bones -- all wrapped in his handsome hide. He didn't have much
body hair: Light Pits, Pleasure & Pubes. While I was checking him out,
he opened his eyes & smiled. "You are so phuck'n handsome, dude.", I
said. "What the hell is wrong with me to see you that way?".
"I was think'n that you were a major hottie yourself.", He replied. Then he rolled back over right on top of me again, but he wrapped his legs around mine. I smiled and began to get hard almost at once. "Let me ask you something.", He continued with his face beside mine. "You're a dude. You jack off -- tell the truth.". I nodded & gave an affirmative "Ah-huh".
He smiled & ground his crotch into mine causing my dick to hop. I hugged him a little harder & rubbed my face with his. "So what's the difference between you jacking yourself off, or jacking off another dude? Is it any less same-sex when you have your hand on your own dick. After all, -- you're sexually pleasuring a guy -- even if it happens to be you. The bottom line is: You're a guy, getting a guy off when you jack." He finished.
"But it doesn't seem 'gay'", I reasoned, "When you jack.".
"And you're saying that what we're doing does?", he probed.
"No, It doesn't strike me like that, - but I know what other people might say.", I replied ... somewhat confused.
"Lemme ask: "Where does a chick ultimately want your cock to be?"
"Your point?", I grinned. Brad ground his crotch against mine again causing my whole body to stiffen as my dick jumped. His echoed back the sentiment.
"She wants you to fill her snatch because that's where she feels sex. That's where your baby-maker gives her a pleasurable reward. So answer this: If you decided to give it to a chick up the butt, do you think that would be the same in her mind as you using the front hole?", Brad let the question dangle. "Do you think she's gonna want to give you a BJ after your dick has been in the rear hole?", he continued. I cringed.
"Man, that's a disgusting thought", I replied.
"Sorry to do this to ya bro.", he replied. "Just want to get your thinker thinking." he continued as he slid his excited penis along mine causing me to groan as my dick got closer to spilling seed. He continued, "So let me ask this: Doesn't it seem natural that sex should involve the parts of the body that are designed for it?"
"Duh!", I replied & then kissed Brad's big neck. "Go on...". Brad paused as his cock gave a hard throb causing his eyes to close.
"Do you think chicks would think it was 'just fine' if guys only wanted to give it to them up the back-door?", Brad asked -- now with a more serious tone?
"No.", I answered. "There's no sexual connection between the 2 holes. To a chick, the difference is like night & day. It's not only unnatural & unrewarding, ... but it's totally disgusting."
"Why is it disgusting?, Brad needled.
"Probably for the same reason people spend billions on dollars of sewers, -- not to mention toilet paper. Hell, do you know how many people have died over the centuries from inadequate sewage disposal!", I answered back.
"PRECISELY.", Brad whispered with emphasis. "Proper sex involves the organs designed for it and as a result, the relationship with the person is not distorted.". He continued, "When men rape men in prison, for example: where does the victim get assaulted?", he asked.
"I don't know ... in the shower?", I guessed. Brad laughed softly & hugged me a little tighter.
"Maybe, but I meant what form does the rape take? The guy who's raped ends up taking it up the arse. Why?"
"Well, I suppose it's because the attacker can get his rocks off without being concerned about his victim; -- & I suppose the penetration makes the victim feel like he's being raped as if he was a woman.", I reasoned.
"Right answer.", Brad replied as he slowly begin to slide his throbbing dick along mine pushing me nearer the edge. "Now when someone says the term 'fag'; -- isn't the picture you get in your mind's eye -- of a couple of guys getting it on like the prisoners we just mentioned? Isn't the image you visualize one of total disrespect of masculinity?"
Brad continued to stroke his cock along mine, but I could feel the little twitches in it wiggle against mine as he got closer to cumming. I replied, "I feel totally equal with you in this ... like we're both totally being guys with a really strong bond.". As his dick hardened to climax, Brad went silent as his body stiffened in my hug & over the next minute he moaned & struggled in pleasure as we both enjoyed the feel of the other's cock convulse, shoot & empty our balls of their tension. Knowing that his reaction was to me, - was a powerful, nonverbal compliment. I enjoyed the feel of his weight & the intense reaction he had to his orgasm, & finally him relaxing. It was all built on a platform of trust & appreciation of the full masculinity of the other.
After a minute or so of catching our breath, Brad lifted himself up on his elbows & locked his gaze with mine. "The reason why we don't 'feel gay' doing this is because it's totally respectful. There is no confusion in my mind between a woman's squirrel & a guys arse. As a result, I would never disrespect another dude by pretending his butt was a khunt. The thought doesn't even cross my mind. Sex is about genitals -- not assholes.". He continued, "The truth is that guys have been getting off like us with other guys from the beginning of recorded history. It's completely normal & lots of guys do it; -- & then deny it, because they don't want to be associated with the other guys who pretend to be khunts. Sex ed doesn't make a distinction because too many arse-phuckers are writing the curriculum. The difference between what we did & what 'they' do, is a difference of basic morality."
"How do you know?", I asked. "How can anyone say what Morality is?" Brad shook his head.
"It's because the lack of morality is self evident. People get hurt when a thing is 'immoral'. It's not an abstract principle like some religious people claim. Immoral behavior is behavior that tends to cause harm. Think of a contractor who builds bridges & to cut corners in greed, mixes less concrete in with the sand than the plans require. Is that 'immoral"?"
"Yes, I see! Because if or when the bridge fails, people could be hurt or killed!", I replied. Brad kissed my forehead.
"Good answer, Grasshopper", he joked. I kissed his neck & grinned. "Guys who do what we just did -- cuddling until we cumm have, like, almost no sexual diseases. It's extremely difficult to catch one & extremely difficult to transmit it. When you combine the numbers, the odds are less than 1 in ten million in a chain of 3-people, and less than one in 5-billion in a chain of four. Those of us who do catch something usually catch it from a woman! On the other hand, did you see the size of the AIDS quilt? The engine that drives that travesty is anal-sex. Anal between dudes & anal between dudes & women; -- Truly an equal opportunity destroyer. And lots of men who catch AIDS from a women catch it during unprotected anal-sex with her; --Because if it was vaginal sex, -- they'd be using a condom for birth control!
"But people are told to use condoms for anal sex?", I questioned.
"Yeah, and they fail almost 2% of the time during anal. 365 days in a year. Have 'protected' anal sex only once a day and that's almost 4 failures per year. Why not just play Russian roulette? That's safer because once you 'lose', you don't spread the loss over your contacts & then they, theirs!"
"I can't tell you how much better I feel, dude.", I said, "Now that I realize the difference between be a guy who really loves his buds, vs. being a bug-spreader."
"Dude, you're totally normal. So you recognize masculine beauty in other guys! Big deal. Lots of other guys have the same feelings & the sad thing is they think they're the only ones dealing with it! If you hit it off mutually with another dude, there's noting wrong with saying it with your dick. As long as you both know that other guys are always to be treated with total respect -- never like a khunt, -- the friendship can be strong. Not gAy, but goy."
"Goy?", I asked.
"Yeah, well -- it's spelled G 'zero' Y. I say 'goy', but who knows! You need to check out this website..."