I never liked the taste...

... of beer.  It was a bitter drink that made a person smell like it.  I didn't particularly like seeing what it did to my parents & family  friends either.  They made good role models AGAINST the use of it by their actions while intoxicated.  I also had some good neighbors (God love 'em) who didn't drink at all; -- & I will always appreciate their words of insight on the subject to me.  During my teens, there was the pressure to "drink".  By the time I was 13, I had the mental equipment to firmly say "no".  While today I'll have an occasional beer or glass of wine -- I still don't touch hard stuff, have never been drunk; -- & have never needed to follow my answer with the phrase "I didn't inhale".  Growing up, I was the "example" that lots of people pointed to as "how" to be a "good kid".  Nobody knew their "good kid" example was a Kinsey-6; -- & that this Kinsey-6 knew that lots of the neighborhood kids were not Kinsey-0's!  The scandals I could create if I was a "fag in need of validation"!  I'm getting off the subject.  Anyhow, -- I'd be lying if I said that I was totally against the effects of booze'n it up.  See, I hooked up with a few guys who'd managed to get plastered & then needed a buddy to help them sober up before seeing their parents again.  One night, I was out with friends & ran into an underclassman named "Tim" who was sick-drunk.  He couldn't go home that way so I drove him to a camp my folks owned in the middle of nowhere on a big pond & cuddled him through the ordeal.  Gentle, tender & understanding.  I helped Tim get showered & in bed; -- & cuddled the guy through his "drunk" all night - helping him with his hangover-recovery the next day.  What had been a casual friendship became a solid one.  I managed to share some on my insight about booze with him & never again saw him that plastered.  Tim & I ended up using that camp several more times before I went to college.  We'd usually fish all day & then cuddle naked into the same bed (to avoid getting the other one messy).  We'd then proceed to "casually" get wrapped up in each other's pec2pec, balls2balls hug & while both feigning to be "asleep" -- dump a week's sexual tension out through our hopping dicks (that were doing everything except sleeping).  Cuddle, cumm, take a piss, go to sleep for a few; -- & repeat.  And everyone else was oblivious to what was going on.  Of course, what was going on was probably going on all over -- but was incredibly discrete & nobody doing the midnight crotch-mosh was w. a guy whom anyone would point at & say "fag!".  And, the guys who people would point at & say "fag!" at were not part of my "midnight-moshings" - ever.  Effeminate actions & the "gay-label" usually destroyed the guy's desirability instantly.     

Since stumbling onto this site, I come to some realizations.  I had some good instincts & some good upbringing in several areas.  Of course, like many of the people who grew up in the time frame of my school-years, -- I've struggled with many of the same prejudices & watched some things develop culturally.  Some developments seem good.  Others are not so - like how the gay media fixates on butt phuck'n & calls anything less, "vanilla".  I love vanilla.  As it turns out, when you're talking about (2) guys -- vanilla is actual genital sex.  Rod on rod is "full genital maturity".  Anything else is a fraud.  Seems again, that my instincts were good, & when I was in self discovery -- instinct was all that I had to go on. 

I became sexually active at the ripe old age of 13.  Seems from some polls, than many g0ys stumble onto it at about the same age.  Like lots of guys of my generation, -- I had no idea it was "sexual" at the time.  I just wanted to be close with a few of my friends & usually wrestling was the gateway.  My younger brother & I shared a room in the attic, but when I'd have overnight guests -- my parents would make him sleep on the downstairs' couch so that my guest could use his bed.  His bed didn't get much use.  Oh, sure - when the lights went out, I'd be in mine & my guest in his, -- but I'd usually come up with an excuse to end up in the same bed as my company...and by the time I had the plan made, my company was usually amicable to the idea anyhow.  I've read here how other guys made their 'moves' & the similarity is mind-blowing.  I guess we're not all that different after all.  The ghost story made me chuckle.  Our house was very old & one of my approaches would be to tell "haunting stories" to my guest while the room was nearly pitch black.  A favorite was to tell about how many times, I'd catch glimpses of someone standing at the foot of my brother's bed out of the corner of my eye -- but when I'd look -- no one would be there (of course).  That preface, with a few other accounts of hearing footsteps come from the other room in the attic (very old & not renovated) would often get my company to make the trip to my side of the room (heh-heh).  Oh, and always sleep in your skivvies. Be open & comfortable about stripping down to get into bed.  Your guest will often get his behavioral cues from your behavior.  If you're not open stripping down, - he probably won't be either.  I noted that quite early on.

I found that once you're in the same bed, usually an apology helps to melt additional ice, like - "Hey, sorry ... didn't mean to freak you out with those stories ... but I think it's more interesting than anything else.".  The whole effect works best when you hold open the covers for the dude to crawl into beside you & you make sure to have an arm underneath ready to wrap around him & pull him close while you make your apology -- rubb'n on his neck slowly & firmly.  Looking back now, I realize that the combination of the act/s creates an atmosphere where I was taking a dominant role.  Fearless in the face of "ghosts" & when my unnerved guest made his trek to my bed, -- it was the comfort & warmth in my friendly hug that he stepped into.  So, from a young age -- I was compassionate to my friends in a physical context.  Some of those friendships grew into very close relationships where we'd both invent excuses to get into the sack with the other guy.  Good instincts.

Like someone else here noted: Early on -- I didn't make the connection with my dick w. the closeness I wanted with my best friends.  The feeling for physical affection would grow to a peak at the end of which I'd cream my shorts & my bud would usually end up doing the same (either that or the relaxation from being slow massaged all over would knock him out).  I never felt the urge to even check the other guy's equipment out until I hit 16 & saw a porn video (str8) where it dawned on me that watching a guy get hard & then shoot had a certain kind of "sexy-awesomeness" to it.  Prior to that, my dick simply came<pun> along for the ride -- led by my need to be close physically to a good look'n buddy.  It was never a "gay" thing in my mind.  Fags were some "bizarre persons who walked swishy & did dirty things", - at least as far as we knew. 

As I got older & realized that there was "sex" involved, it generated a massive set of emotional conflicts & social awkwardness's that I had to deal with internally.  Because of the total lack of information, - combined with the power of the stereotype, -- I simply played the "str8-card".  In retrospect, I feel it was the correct posture to take at the time, but for years -- I thought myself to be some bizarre combination of guy-feelings.  See, I wanted nothing to do with the stereotype & stigma's about same-sex relationships because those stereotypes involved ANAL-sex & effeminacy (neither of which I believed had anything to do with being a guy).  I couldn't imagine anything more disgusting than playing in another guy's butt, -- so I wasn't "gay" in that regard - at least in my mind.  I knew nothing of "g0y" -- so I had this imbalanced perspective & lacked the precise terminology to define the differences.  I sure wish the information on this site had existed back then!  However, I now realize that what I was doing with a few of my friends was a whole lot more normal than misinformation made it seem at the time.  It would have been a mistake to do what so many empty-heads suggest people in similar situations do today: Wear a "GLIB" label (shudder).  Why not just shoot yourself in the arse instead?

Somebody else here noted this -- & it was a good point: The lines between gAy & "innately-g0y" were forged early on & very few guys that I'm aware of ever openly crossed over.  See, the "gAy" community says that if you're a guy who's into guys, that makes you "gay", a "fag", "queer".  From the "g0y" perspective, "Bi-sexuality" is the N0RM; -- and you're not "gAy" unless you're a guy who buttphucks with other guys (or advertises "Yoohoo, I'm gay")!  In other words, "fAgs" (& fundamentalists) think same sex attractions deserve a "special labeling system".  G0YS insist that's bullshit. But, because society has in general been sold on the "butt-phuck=gay" message, -- eliminating the "Anal" from "gAy" by substituting a ZER0 makes perfect sense.  Whoever thought this up should probably get a medal or something...(at least a footnote in the annals of history<pun>).

Phillip was a quiet guy when I met him my Junior year.  He was totally cute, but introverted & kept to himself.  However, we ended up as lab-partners in a class I had to take called "chemistry." (& it was)...  Phillip was adopted & they weren't very wealthy.  Despite the fact they were heavily into their religion, -- his parents were in the middle of a divorce & Phil's mother was gonna end up with custody.  He was really shy at first ... but as the year went on, the fact he was hanging out more & more with me & my extroverted friends began to influence him & he was learning he could loosen up & be less serious while still being respected.  He was also getting his growth spurt & ended up fitting into our weight-lifting club quite nicely.  He grew fast & with that, his confidence & self esteem grew.  He became my "sidekick" & because of that, he was treated great by all my buds - & we all watched his back.  Watching his personality transform was a beautiful thing.  I remember it was near the end of the school year when Phillip was walking past me in the weight room & on his way by pushed me into the coat rack, - & then kept on walking.  It was so far out of his character, & so funny that shock turned into laughter from my friends & a smile that I couldn't get rid of was stuck to my face.  Of course, I couldn't let the sleight go unanswered so after picking myself up out of the hangars, - with a large grin, I went Phillip hunting.  He was in the next room & when he saw me coming at him, -- he rabbit'd.  On his way up the flight of stairs, - he slipped & I caught him where I proceeded to drag him laughing & thrashing into the storage room where I locked the door & wrestled him into a pin on a padded mat.  Then, I rolled him up in it so just his head & feet were sticking out & then set a couple of loaded curling bars on it to pin him down.  His blond wavy hair was all damp & he had this look of hellion-mischief on his face as I pulled up the floor near his restrained body & took stock of my prey.  I knew at that moment how a spider feels.  I slid one arm down between his left shoulder & the mat, & I forced both of his arms behind his back. Then by bending my elbow, I tightened the mat around his taught bod so that he could move his lower arms, but simply couldn't get them back around to his front. He was on his back & I was on my side facing in the opposite directions.  Our heads were almost nose to nose as I slow-crawled my other hand down into the tight mat.  "I bet you're ticklish, dude...", I hinted his fate out loud.  Phil had a panicked look on his face as my hand crawled lower towards his naval.  Since we were all alone in the storage closet, my inhibitions were lower than they might have been outside.  My face was pressed up against his as I maneuvered my arm slowly down - as he fought it by twisting, inhaling hard to bloat his tummy, thrashing about; -- But inch by inch I made headway.  I began to treat him like a cute little animal as I teased him with his eventual fate, -- saying things like, "Come on...give it up" (little smootch on the cheek), "That's a good boy" (as I'd gain an inch) & then another little smootch to humiliate him more.  When I finally got to his naval, I needed to go lower to get at the bottom of his shirt & untuck it so that I could get naked access to his belly button.  As I pulled the material out of his shorts, he gave a gasp that struck me as the most frantic thing I'd seen him do yet.  He began to whimper, "Oh dude ... dude dude!...".  I thought he was simply in mental agony about being tickled at any future moment.  I reached back down to see if their was any more material to pull up from the tuck when I felt it -- a hot, hard uncircumsized teen erection.  When I had pulled the shirt free, I had unpositioned his giant erection & it had flopped out of his restraining shorts -- its loaded head near his navel.  Grinning a shocked, fake grin; - Grasping it lightly I asked, "What do we have here?".  At about the same time,  Phil whimpered once as his dick got really stiff, & then his expression turned to one that looked like he was gonna cry.  I realized instantly from the way his cock hardened in my grasp that he was gonna shoot; -- & he was probably imagining his life ending from the criticism & rumors that would start.  I knew the fear well -- that he imagined that he was about to be "outed" by his best friend by "accident"; -- because he couldn't stop the ejaculation reflex.  I pressed my face up beside his & whispered, "It's OK bro.  I'm cool with this..." -  & I kissed his cheek more seriously.  As his cock began to convulse I stroked his dick in time to force his nutt out in pressure assisted spurts.  His teeth were clenched & his back arched as he shot his wad  in hot runny gobs all over his rippled tummy & my helping hand.  Keeping my cheek beside his, I simply affirmed that it was "OK" & to "Just go with it, bro".  He pumped for almost a minute.  After he was done shooting, I slid my hand out & then the other.  He had this look on his face that said, "BUSTED!", mixed with just a little hope.  I moved the curling bars off him & lifting his shoulders slightly, the mat unwound from around him & I pulled him out.  His tank top fell back down covering his still-erect penis.  I was kneeling still & gently put my hand on his tank top & pulled the material back up.  He was apprehensive, but I said, "It's OK".  I pulled his shorts down some revealing an impressive set of balls as I pulled his tank up high onto his chest revealing his tight abs & an impressive start of a "V" shape.  I gently released his waist band locking his deflating erection within his shorts as I lowered his shirt.  He looked like a guilty man before a judge awaiting a verdict.  "You are turning into one hard-bodied, good look'n dude, Bro...." I commented.  "You can use one of my jocks if you need to...", I continued.  "The fact you're uncut combined with your peaking testosterone levels is gonna make you prone to getting hard really easy.  A jock will hide things easier if you find yourself dumping your load."  Phil looked like he was relaxing some as I continued, "Hey, the first time it happened to me, I was with my best bud too.".  I'd never tell anyone else about what happened here because I'm totally kewl with it, -- having been there & done that myself." 

Phil dropped to his knees & put both arms around me & weakly said, "I was so afraid you were going to tell what happened & everyone would hate me."

I hugged him back harder & reassured him: "Luv you like a brother.  It's all part of becoming a man; & I'd be a shit-friend if I cut you like that.  There are some things it's OK for guys to phuck with other guys about.  This isn't one of them."  Phil hugged me tighter.  I continued, "There are some techniques you can use to help keep that under control.  Stay over my place this weekend & I'll show you."

And, we arranged it so Phil was gonna stay over Friday until Sunday.  Friday night, we were in my room -- in separate beds & I hit him with the ghost story.  He lay there in the dark for about 5 minutes thinking about the ghost that might appear at the foot of the bed & eventually said, "Bro ... can I sleep over there?"  I grinned loudly to myself.

"Yeah, man.  'Mon over..." I replied.  And over he came.  Before he got in I stopped him at the edge of the bed, "I sleep in the nude dude -- if that's OK with you?". 

He dropped his shorts & replied, "Yeah, I prefer that too.".  As he climbed in, I guided him with my arms to right on top of me. 

As his balls docked beside mine & his hardening erection gave a hard throb I added in a whisper, "And now I'll show you how to take care of all that nutt tension that us guys have to live with...".  We cuddled until we came - repeatedly, - all night long.  The next night we repeated the process, & spent Sunday exhausted in bed most of the day.  As we got familiar with the  layout of each others' physique, I suggested that because he was "maturing so fast" that we should get together at least one night a week to clean our "guy-pipes" out.  He agreed & our friendship hit an all time high.  Phil really came out of his shell socially over the next few months & when we hit our Sr year, he was a very different person.  Several times over the next year I heard people discuss Phil & I when casually talking about "male bonding".  We loved each other a lot & helped each other really grow at the gym; -- but our hearts weren't so small that we only loved each other.  I had a few other guys who I loved a lot -- as did Phil.  However, if marooned on a deserted island, Phil would have been my #1 choice, - no debate. 

Near the end of our Sr. Year, Phil was staying over my house & a few minutes after we'd dumped our week's load with each other, he got really low-key & serious. "Hey, I have to ask your opinion on something...", he whispered softly.

"Shoot", I answered.

"I think I'm really falling for Mel...".  He paused.  "I feel around her a lot like I feel around you, - but different ... I can't explain it...", he swallowed hard.

I squeezed him a little tighter. "I don't think there's another person I love more than you dude.  But you know, I've never felt like that meant I owned you.  What kind of a friend would I be if I tried to block your feelings -- even if I can't understand them sometimes.  I don't understand why people often feel that new relationships need to kill the old ones.  That would be like saying that new friendships need to stifle all older ones.  I'm you're friend dude.  I want to see you fulfilled. Heck, I'd even be your best-man if things came to that ... but you'd know that as far as I'm concerned -- nobody can luv ya more than me.  But, it's about you ... and if you want a family, kids & a house in the suburbs ... I've got your back.".  I kissed the tear off his cheek.

"I was so afraid you were gonna be pissed", Phil whispered through some sniffles. 

"Well, I'm not.", I replied, "But don't you know that 'love' overrides 'pissed' anyhow?", I commented with a grin.  Phil just buried his face beside mine & lightly kissed my neck. 

"Yeah ... I feel the same way.  I just didn't want you to be hurt by the fact I'm falling for a female...", he gently comforted.

"Bro ... we're laying here bare-balls against each other with our mixed tears & testosterone-sauce staining sweat-soaked sheets, & you're concerned that I'd feel our friendship could be threatened by a 'female'?", I softly jibed.  "Other than the formality of exchanging rings, you & I are already connected for all time.  I'd love ya if you were abducted by aliens & moved to Venus; -- Which from what I understand, isn't that much different than getting hitched to a female anyhow...", I joked as I tightened my hug momentarily.

"Hey...", he whispered in an inquisitive tone.  "Do you ever think it's wrong ... what we're doing here ... together?

"No.  Not for a second.  Nothing that makes me feel all the good feelings for you that I have inside could be wrong."

"I know", he continued, "It's just my Mom's church has all the paranoia about men with men.  They make it sound really bad..."

"Well, they're reading something wrong or something.  I know right from wrong ... like not to steal or pick on people who can't defend themselves.  When I'm close to you like this, -- all I feel is 'right-on'!".  I took a breath.  "Anyhow, I think it's fairly obvious that being bad hurts people & being good helps people; -- So what we have can't be bad because of the way we treat each other all the time."

"Yeah ... What you say makes so much sense.", Phil reasoned out loud. "It's just all that talk about God destroying Sodom & how my Mom's preacher seems almost preoccupied with that -- saying God hates men laying with men."

"Well, you know ... I checked that story out after you brought it up last time.", I commented. 

"Really?"

"Yeah ... and you know what I see when I read it?", I challenged.

"No ... What?", Phil asked -- very intrigued that I'd actually read something he'd been led to believe was so 'against us'.

"What I see is a paranoid town of self-assured, arrogant guys getting all worked up over some strangers who show up whom they think might be enemy spies -for no reason other than being strangers.  As time, talk & too much wine take their toll, -- a mob forms & they decide to interrogate the strangers.  So, the mob shows up in front of this guy named Lot's house, -- all piss'n vinegar & wanting him to send his guests (the strangers) out to the them.  You can imagine that nothing good would come of that situation - probably would escalate all the way to the gang rape of these guests of Lot's.".  Phil was silent. "So let me ask: Would you ever be part of gang-raping a couple of strangers?"

"Hell, no!", Phil replied. 

"Well, that's the difference between us & what those guys in Sodom were all about.  If anyone ever tried to hurt you, I'd have their head if they didn't kill me defending you in the1st place!  Anyone who can't see the difference between sacrificial love vs. a gang-rape is simply not rowing with both oars in the water!", I concluded.

"Bro, that makes soooo much sense the way you tell it.", Phil said in a relieved tone.

"What's scary to me...", I added, "is that people who are too numb to see the obviousness of the storyline, but instead accept the interpretation of some zealous 'expert' -- are probably the same kind of people who'd be whipped into a paranoid frenzy to surround someone's house & insist the 'strangers' be sent out!"

"Do you really think?", Phil whispered...

"Dude... What are they saying in those 'churches' about people who share what we have?", I challenged. Phil swallowed hard. I continued, "We love each other so much that even our dicks say so; -- But those people say 'Sodomites!' & then 'Worthy of death!' in the next breath.  I think it's fairly obvious who the 'Sodomites' are in this example ... and it's not us.  It's them - and that's the biggest irony I've seen yet: Religion acting like the exact thing it's own book condemns!"

"Wow...I never saw it like that.', Phil observed.

"You want to know what's nuts?", I asked.

"What?"

"You know that religious camp you invited me to last fall?"

"Yeah...what about it?", Phil's curiosity came through his question.

"The day before we left, I got to wrestling around with Dave."

"Our counselor?", Phil asked with an astonished tone suspecting what might be next.

"Yeah.  We'd just come back from waterskiing & we were changing out of our wet shorts & talking about work outs, & pro wrestling when I got playful & tackled him."

"Continue...", Phil pried.

"Well, he'd had a hard workout the day or so before & couldn't defend himself really well.  I ended up pinning him between the mattress & the cabin wall.  He was only wearing a towel wrap when I tackled him, - so he didn't have a whole lot of covering anyhow.  Well, once he was locked down really good I began to gently tickle on his lower sides -- not really intensely, but just enough so he couldn't stop chuckling."

"What happened?", Phil asked - sitting up in total involvement in the story.

"Well, the wrap came untied & out popped his 8' boner -- dripping man sauce.  I grinned when I saw it & he about freaked when he saw that I saw it.  But, he was so spent that he couldn't get free & had this totally panicked look on his face which was getting redder by the second.  It reminded me a little bit of the first time you popped with me."

"No shit! Dave? Dave was one big raging hormone?", Phil thought out loud, - astonished.

"Yeah.  Well, the mattress was sliding off the bed some beneath us as our weight formed a pocket in it between the bed & the wall.  At the same time, I could hear some of the guys coming up the trail to the cabin -- so rather than let Dave up, I grabbed his sleeping bag with my free hand & pulled it over us & laid down on top of him with my dick pressed right up beside his."

"No way! What happened then!"

"Well, he knew that if he was discovered in the raw with a camper it was probably gonna end his life as he knew it; -- so like a man with a brain, he just laid there not moving underneath me as the guys in the cabin made small talk & wondered out loud where the counselor was.  Meanwhile I was softly whispering in his ear that it was okay -- that I knew he couldn't help what he was feeling -- as I crotch rubbed with him slowly & got my dick outside the slit of my wrap next to his & forced some of the slowest, hardest dick throbs out of him that a guy ever fought to suppress.  His breathing was really fast & shallow as I was nibbling his ear & slow kissing that side of his face.  Suddenly his breathing changed & his body stiffened underneath me as his virgin cock began to empty itself in the messiest orgasm I've ever experienced with a guy.  At the same time, the other guys are finally leaving the cabin.  Dave took a long time to empty his nutt...like maybe it was the 1st time he'd ever experienced it with a dude.  After, -- he was all freaked out like he'd just run over someone's puppy or something."

"Get real! The guy was wussed?", Phil interjected.

"Totally wuss'd! He's like 20-something & probably has jacked off how many times?"

"Well, I dunno ... he seems the type that might not be into self pleasurvation...", Phil joked.

"Yeah, maybe ... but no matter what the count -- he's had a guy's hand around his dick - as he's shot many a time, -- even if it was his own ... doesn't matter ... it's still a guy's-hand around his guy-dick."

"Interesting take on the nature of the 'J.O.' ... Do continue...", Phil encouraged. 

"So anyway, he's all uptight because he just popped with another dude & saying he can't talk to anyone about it because nobody is gonna understand, etc.  And he keeps going on & on about all that crap as I sat there & listened.  Finally, I told him: 'Look: It seems to me that we had a moment of intimacy that only a couple of guys can share, and you're turning it into something disgusting -- which means that maybe for you - that's all it will ever be. And, if that's all it was to you - then you deserve to beat yourself up for being such a self-centered prick.  However, for me, -- I experienced the event as if it's a bond that we can use to strengthen the overall solidness of our friendship.  I guess the choice is your's.  You can choose to see it as your evil flesh run out of control, -- or you can see it as an act of physical affection with a guy you enjoyed the company of a whole lot.  My version makes it loving, but your's makes it into a SIN, & if you don't know the difference between an act of affection vs. being a skank, -- then I don't think I want to know anymore about your brand of religion."

"Oh, man!  That must have shut his pie hole!"

"Yeah...He went silent.  It was almost as if he was ... thinking.  Then he left the cabin."

"Is that why I didn't see him again!?", Phil astonished out loud.

"Yup...probably went off to do some well organized self-flagellation.  I think some of these guys write books under titles like: 'Mental Exercises to Deny Reality'."

"Kinda sad ... how so many people deny what they feel or believe some pussy-ass lie about how they're supposed to act once they come to grips with their feelings.  I think being able to see how awesomely guys are put together, & share all these feelings with another dude who wants me to feel all those good feelings with him - is a totally incredible state of being." Phil commented. "Tough, 'n-tender ... virile 'n-vulnerable; -- You're the whole package bro...", he continued as he snuggled back into a face to face cuddle with me...