... Got your eye on a Friend...
"STRAIGHT" is only true 37%
of the time...
G0YDAR helps you find 0ut ...
A few years ago, I was watching a special on
about sharks. In this documentary, they were testing a shark defense suit.
The suit didn't interest me much. What did, - was an fascinating dynamic
that was set up between the diver (fearless of the sharks because he was in a
protective suit), & the sharks themselves. The diver was on the bottom &
in his arms was a fully grown shark. The divers hands were clad in
the shark suit which was metal 'chain-links" and as he held the shark (a species
known to be very aggressive), he was using his hands to lightly scratch all over
it's body. Visualize this: A man holding a shark -- bigger than he was, -
known to be dangerous as he cuddled up with it like a big dog -- gently caressing
& scratching it all over. After 30 seconds or so, the diver simply pointed
the shark in the direction he wanted it to go & gave it a push in that direction
& away it would go. Then, another shark would swim over to him & he'd
repeat the process with that one! As the camera pulled away, it revealed
an entire school of "man eaters" who were taking turns getting body rubs from
this diver! Now, what the
documentary didn't show was the posturing the diver had to set up - to get his
"shark circle" going. There is no doubt it took some preparation
beforehand & the documentary only showed the end result. In this article,
I'm going to point out a strategy to figure out if that STR8-Guy is
really a "G0Y" in deep cover. You'll need a "shark suit" too. It's
called "straightforward friendship mannerisms", interwoven with some patience.
It rang true:
Watching the diver with the sharks struck several
chords of truth. Let me point out some parallels:
First, the sharks are unaware that they're "ferocious looking". They're
use to seeing sharks. They don't realize how intimidating they appear.
They're not trying to be intimidating; -- rather they're just being themselves.
Likewise, that dude who makes your heart beat fast, you palms sweat & your mouth
dry -- has no idea he has that effect on you. He's not trying to be
intimidating; -- rather he's just being himself. Like the sharks, he lives
inside his body & does not see himself like others see him. Being kind to
the sharks such as scratching their bellies gives them a sense of trust.
To do that though, the diver needs to get over the intimidation factor. He
uses the shark suit to do that. You only need knowledge ... this
knowledge, & the desire to make friends. You
see, that so-called "STUD" guy who makes your hormones flow has all the basic needs &
insecurities that are common to man. Unlike a shark, there are many ways
to "scratch his belly" -- & the majority being verbal in nature.
You need to look
past his surface & realize that the projection of his body is NOT who he "is".
He is an "ego", a mind within that body and like I've said ... he does not
realize the intensity of his appearance because it does not affect HIM that way.
He may be aware that he is a good look'n dude, but he doesn't know exactly how
that affects others or even if everybody thinks he's good look'n.
works out, he's sending a double message: 1) He wants to feel more confident. 2)
He wants YOU to make him feel better about himself.
Truth #1: You know
that you want people to like you. Realize that this is a UNIVERSAL NEED.
The "stud" has all the needs, hang-ups & insecurities that are common to man. Present yourself as confident & friendly & he'll be slightly intimidated
NO FEAR. You have what he needs -- in the power of your speech. Assuming you're in a position to strike up a conversation (a gym is a great
place), take note of a part of his body or some feature about him you like (maybe his car)
-- (use your mind). Then, point-blank: make a compliment & ask a question
about whatever it is you found impressive at the same time. This is a double pronged
ego-stroke. The compliment is actually your approval of him in his eyes.
The question is actually a statement telling him that you feel his opinion is
important. Hello Mr. Shark-Dude: I was noticing you have really
great shark skin. How do you keep it so barnacle free? - OR -
Hey bro: I noticed you have great definition in you chest. Do you have a special
routine for that or is it just natural? Be sincere. Don't use
flattery ... you gotta find something you like - before you open your mouth
about it. NO FEAR ... be friendly. Remember, he doesn't know his
appearance puts butterflies in your gut. Despite his looks, he's a
guy on the inside who very much wants to be loved & respected, And he's never
sure how the next guy is gonna see him. This is why your well thought
complimenting inquiry will be like the first time a shark feels the hand of the
suited diver (Hey...that felt really good. Think I'll hang around...)
Trust takes time to build. Rather than see the dude as a short term
conquest (which would be very un-g0y of you), -- see him as a long term friendship-goal
that you would like to progress to extreme intimacy at some point along
the journey. The great thing about
this posturing is that you can build just as many of these friendships at a time
as you want. Now you're "swimming with the sharks"!
Some G0Y friendships
of mine took a couple of years to "mature" to 'nakedness'. Other's occurred
faster. We're all great friends still & none of them know about the
details of other's relationship with me. That's part of being 'g0y' -- as opposed to
"gAy". Total discretion is the rule. It's not homophobic.
We just don't want to be seen as arse-phuckers, which IS the social
stereotype about "gay" -- make no mistake.
G0YS are never "out", & if
someone calls you 'gay', - get ready to have an altercation (because you're
N0T gAy). I have a
friend who spent some time in prison. Anyone who calls him "gay", "fag" or
"bitch" is asking to visit the emergency room because he KNOWS what those labels
imply. When used as a slur, g0ys know those terms
mean a person who is morally loose, & an abuser of themselves &/ other men too.
The "gay" community thinks little of those terms. Such ignorance &
apathy is extremely self-deprecating. Making it clear that you take
offense to being labeled with those terms will also give a sense of reassurance
to any "STRAIGHT guy" you happen to be culturing a relationship with. You
don't have to be mean, cruel or insulting -- simply FIRM that "Where you're
from, the kind of language that implies men treating men as women (or being
treated as such) is an offensive remark that often provokes an appropriate
response.". Said matter-of-factly in an attitude of reconciliation usually
makes your point & often generates an apology from whoever made the remark.
You may also want to tag on a comment like: "I don't have problems with those
sorts & I don't intend to start by being labeled one.". Again, no
need to overreact; -- Keep the tone as friendly as you can without seeming a
push-over. Men like their friends to have 'a pair' ... or in other words:
Men feel good as the acceptable company of other men who have a sense of self
esteem. Think about it. If you don't tolerate foolishness, but they
are your friends, then they get the message that you don't consider them fools.
Psychology. But I digress...
Once you have established a conversation, there are some basics you need to keep
in mind. First, the other dudes opinion matters to you. Don't
debate; ... Ask questions. Also realize that you may need to see the guy
several times before you begin to feel more at ease with the other.
Remember, to him, he's trying to make a good impression too & there will be some
tension ... it's natural. Be friendly & appreciative of him. If you
have friends nearby, introduce him to them & make some comment that will
establish him as an important person in their minds & that he will know that you
respect him. Over time, you can invite him to hang out, party & chill.
Show interest in him. That's not difficult...because most people are interesting...
I have a friend named Rob who races power boats. I met him at the beach
while doing a volleyball game with some friends. Rob is a total 'hottie'
with a 'lady-slayer reputation' (one of my friends at the beach that day
knew him too). We got talking about boats, his boat ... races ... & I asked
to see any pictures or videos of his races that he had. See how I kept it
about him'? Over an hour, we ended up breaking the ice & at the days end,
we were as good as friends as a single day could make. Over the next few
months, we went boating, biking & occasionally clubbing together (I was the
DD). I took some great
video of him & his boat in a few races & edited several races to video. During the
same time period, we worked out together some & got comfortable with 'pats on the
back' & being close doing the things we did. One of the things I did was
make sure that any reasonable opportunity to touch him in a natural way was taken advantage of.
Going to the beach, I'd sunscreen him & opportunity opened itself up about the
2nd week I knew him. Rob could barefoot around all day, but something
about the arches on his feet caused shoes to hurt him if he was in them for a
long time. The first time I became aware of this was shortly after showing
up at his place after he'd got off work. He'd taken a shower & was laying
on the couch. I asked him if he was planning on going out & he said he
would, but his feet were hurting too much to dance it up. I asked him some
questions & had him stand up and take a few steps on the carpet so I could watch
his movement. After he laid back on the sofa, I sat down at his feet &
picking each foot up & casually putting pressure on various places I asked him
where the pain was concentrated. After playing 20 questions, I suggested
that he see a podiatrist I knew & be fitted for an insert (orthodic). While I made my
observations & suggestions, I casually shifted into a deep pressure, foot
massage. It's important that you know a few things. First off, my
goal from the first time about hearing about his sore feet was tactical: To posture our
conversation so I could get my massagers onto them
Because: When massaged, the
feet (& often hands) cause the brain to release a very large amount of neurochemicals called
endorphins. In the concentration released, they act like drugs.
effect isn't to be underestimated. The presence of serotonin
combine -& send a powerful -- nonverbal message strong enough to even
convince sharks to let a creature of another species hold them, & rub all over
their body (for example). It's a powerful message that says "you can trust me to make you feel
better & not harm you". Of course, touch causes the release of
these chemicals - something as simple as a handshake starts the reaction.
Serotonin is what makes the event feel "good" & oxytocin is what connects
the event you. Oxytocin binds to centers of the brain that connect your
presence to feelings of acceptance & trust. It literally adds another
dimension to your friendship & acts like a chemical anchor. Of course --
because these are feelings generated & non verbal announcements, the effect on
your buddy becomes integrated into his personality to where he sees you & he
instantly feels a "connection".
Building the oxytocin bridge can happen
quickly -- but building depth can take years. This is why the best g0y
relationships begin as friendships & go deeper over time. Done with self
control & respect over time -- the other guy will love you on a level that also
makes the friendship very deep, intimate & usually -- these emotions are aired
privately because of the nakedness of self disclosure. Of course, to start
the journey -- remember that the feet release the gateway drugs for seducing -
See, in the human brain, the centers for
sexual pleasure are located very near the centers that light up with a foot
massage. That's right, giving a good foot rubdown is second only to rubb'n
on the guys nads! It may look half-a-body away, but in the head --
feet, foreskin & foreplay are side by side in the brain! The chemical messengers will
spread so fast that the result will literally be like if you drugged him.
Inhibitions will drop; & once you have given his feet a good rubb'n, you'll
be able to expand the coverage of the massage because he will have gotten 'the
chemical message'. Once at this level, your relationship can become
deeper than his other male-bonding relationships because you share the intimacy
of touch & the unspoken message of acceptance it delivers. It is the most
powerful form of intimate communication. Keep in mind that wrestling &
rough-housing make great precursors to massage -- as you both get "tired" from
sparring - just begin rubb'n on him. Stay relaxed & casual & chances are -
he will too.
EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTION: About
the 3rd month into being friends, Rob & I were planning on going to a club
on Saturday night. While sitting at his kitchen table, before we
left, - Rob reached over & took my hand in his, -- & with no more than (3)
beers in him, he said "I really love ya man". I told him the feeling was
mutual. Now, get this: The alcohol had definitely lowered his
inhibitions. In 70% of men polled about unplanned same-gender intimate
encounters, alcohol was a contributing factor. It certainly was in this
case, -but the closeness of our friendship that had evolved over the
last few months sent a loud message to him that, at least to me, he was a
very important person & totally accepted (At that point in our friendship,
it was common to wrestle with each other & the guy who got pinned usually
ended up getting tickled into hysterics. I thought nothing of
grabbing him by the legs as he'd walk by & pull him onto the sofa where
I'd light wrestle him until the massage I applied at the same time subdued
When we came back that evening from the club, & while standing in the
living room, Rob stepped up to me, - wrapped both arms around me & let me
know again that he loved me (This -- coming out of a
self-professed, "STR8", lady-swooning, studmuffin). If you're not
ready for that, it might freak you out ... so I'm telling you, BE READY
G0YS are all around us.
My response to Rob was to hug him back & step in closer so we were hugging
pec2pec, balls2balls. He was drunk (Did I mention that in 70% of
same-gender intimate encounters that alcohol plays a factor by lowering
a guy's/g0ys inhibitions?) ... I was stone-sober (the
decided to stand there cuddl'n & see where he wanted this to go. Rob
had his head buried against my neck & every 10-15 seconds, he'd reposition his
hands on my back & hug me tight. See, Rob didn't know how to
articulate what he was feeling. Rob was "STR8", (notice
the quotes"") but he was standing
in his living room with a guy in his embrace (me). Crotch to crotch
with him, I could feel him get hard pretty fast. I told him, "You're
drunk dude ... lemme get you to your (bed)room,", - & so I
LOCKED THE FRONT DOOR & then we walked to his
bedroom arm in arm with him leaning against me. He sat on the side
of the bed looking like he wanted to say something, but couldn't find the
words (The "STR8 guy" who wants to get naked with you will not usually be
able to say what he's feeling because it sounds "gAy").
I just smiled & helped him get his shoes/socks off, then shirt.
Pulling back the bed covers, I shut the light off & told him to lay back,
as I stripped his pants off. He was freeball'n & had a semi.
Read the signs.
I asked if he wanted me to stay & keep an eye on things (on account of
him being a 'hopeless lush ;-).
said yeah, so I stripped to the raw (because he was in the raw) & slid into bed beside him & pulled
the covers over us. I put my arm around him -- under his torso &
pulled him up against me. Rob told me he never had another friend
like me & just wanted to be with me.
You have to listen. The phrase "be with" means "cuddly, close,
intimate, & more...".
The relationship with another G0Y is sometimes
like a dance. Because of the sensitive nature of being intimate with
another dude, the courtship is taken in steps & the language is never
used to suggest it's anything like a male/female
relationship. My response to Rob was to tell him that I really
enjoyed being with him too & pulling him tighter in my hug. Rob put
his head on my chest & wrapped an arm & a leg over/around me. We
hugged like that for about 30 seconds & then I moved the hand that was
already under him down to hip & lifted him so he was on top of me, -- &
then & helped him shift around so we were pec2pec, rod2rod. This position is a favorite
G0YS because you have full
body contact with the other dude & get to feel all of his responses & him
yours. The focus isn't on your cock, but on the responses of the
other dude (breathing, sounds, heart-beat & the occasional twitches &
throbs emitted by his cock next to yours).
The most erotic &
powerful sexual responses are those that happen without you trying to make
them happen. After all, your dick knows what to do & the two
of them up against each other soon engage in their own form of
communication that kinds takes both guys along for the ride. Slow &
sensual; --- the total opposite of what is portrayed in most gAy porn
where one guys uses the arse of the other like a man-sized masturbation
tool (how shallow is that). G0YS know that the orgasm that
happens while rod2rod / face2face (called PhROT or FROT) often happens
without anyone having to "try". All that skin on skin acts like a
large sex organ ... like your whole body becomes a sensory extension of
your penis; -- & all the hairs on the 2 dudes' bodies scratch, tickle &
feedback on each other. This is why PhROT generated orgasms are so
intense. It's a body-wide sensation, with the focus at site
of the grand-mauling set of dicks; -- Incredibly bonding. The unspoken message
to each guy from the other is: "YOU
get me off; - not just your cock". You
don't get more honest & loving with another dude than to lose control &
cumm like a stallion around him. It's the most primal compliment I
can imagine....saying love, trust & acceptance all at the same time
(especially if you watch the dudes expression as he loses his nutt).
Rob's expression takes on an incredibly sexy mix that looks like surprise,
intensity & joy all combined - with an arched-neck, clenched-tooth-smile &
tenseness in his brow -- that relaxes into bliss & relief as he nears the
end of his volley with each little post orgasmic cock-twitch echoing on
his face as a little terseness in his relaxing expression (yummm-buddy).
he was on top of me, his cuddling turned into slow face rubbing (shadow on
shadow) & then gentle kisses. We held hands with out-stretched arms
& rubbed feet & legs -- all very slowly, gently. Every time
he'd have a pre-orgasm-twitch it would stiffen his body for a moment.
Finally he began to groan and reflexively began to grind his pelvis
against mine - out of control with the need to ejaculate. Then he just stiffened, groaned & emptied his load together with mine
as his ass muscles crawled around beneath my hands & his hard-body writhed slowly
on top of me robbing him of his composure as he came in deep, throaty
moaning-pleasured cumm-shots. Eventually we relaxed
('melted' sounds right) into each other & fell asleep still cuddling.
Consider it. No condoms, no lube, no worry about disease (no
penetration). All natural, nothing artificial - not even the
stimulation preceding orgasm needed 'staging'. Furthermore, each guy
never relinquished being a guy -- (totally equal). No tops. No
bottoms. Just honest male2male, naval2naval passion so intense that
it didn't need any help at all to force a set of dicks to erupt a gusher
of jism. That's raw, male, luv'n romance at it's climax ... It's
The next day, I got up an hour before Rob & made us lunch. He
was up at noon & claimed not to remember the previous night. I
wasn't gonna push; & told him it was a blast & hoped it would happen
again. "Again" took 7 days; & the next time we talked about the
experience the day after. He was uneasy at first -- all concerned about
rumors of "fagdom". I explained the difference between G0Y vs.
gAy; & how he didn't need to worry that he might be turning into a
"queer". It took some time & showed him a few sites on the Internet
like this one; -- & even showed him the relationship in the Bible between
King David & Prince Jonathan (a couple of Hebrew G0YS - [yes, I see the
linguistic oxymoron, but nonetheless, the relationship's nature is obvious
when you don't let someone else read it to you])! Basically, I had
to educate the prejudices of society out of Rob as I do with anyone who'll
listen. See, he still loves to bed women -- [although he's been in a
LTR with one for quite a while now]. I moved & don't see him as much
any more, but when we get together we have a tendency to 'cuddle till we
cumm'. We treat each other as extended family w. lots of love, & if
Rob ever needed a hand, I'd put my life on hold to help him. We
respect each other's lives & don't make demands on 'who does what with
who'. G0Y relationships are different than M/F relationships & we
don't try to confuse the (2) -- as does the 'gAy' community. The
love is no less intense, -- but it's just different - & we can accept
that. He knows he's loved & I know he loves me too.
Love in spite of problems & imperfections? What could be stronger
(NOTE: In late 2012, Rob died of a
hidden, congenital heart-defect. It caught everyone off-guard including
his doctors. It was like hearing about an athlete who drops dead on the field.
Everybody was simply shocked. I'll miss Rob beyond words. Have you
expressed to your buds how much you care about them?)
Remember that Kinsey-Scale? Well, depending "where"
on the scale a guy falls, -will also determine the type of physical bonding he's
likely to be open to.
Most guys are bisexual to some degree.
is a huge factor, but REPULSION plays a large role too.
See, lots of people who are attracted to one gender are repulsed by
the notion of being with the other in a sexual sense. These
are most often the people who believe that a person is either
"STRAIGHT-OR-GAY" They cannot imagine how a person who loves
gender "X" could also love gender "Y". Then there are the guys
who may not be heavily attracted to one gender -but not repulsed by
the possibility of an intimate encounter with the right person of
that gender, anyway. These are the guys who wouldn't seek to
get intimate with another guy, --but might be willing to let the
other guy get intimate with him if the situation was right.
So, guys who claim to be "straight" may well be --in the fact that
they are strongly attracted to women. BUT (and this point is
huge): Some of those same guys are not opposed to being treated to a
complimentary orgasm by another guy under the right conditions
(they're not repulsed by the notion of being tendered on by the same
gender). Men generally have different levels of attraction &
repulsion. These (2) dynamics usually act together to
determine a guy's sexual behavior and whether he's an active
aggressor or merely a willing recipient of various types of
Keep in mind that these are rules of thumb & that guys are all unique with
personal spikes & dips in their intimate interests. G0YS low on the scale (-having a predominant
attraction to females) are usually less likely to accept the same type of
intimacy with other men. Don't expect these guys to want to
tongue-wrestle. Those Guys (low on the Kinsey scale) are much more likely to accept a wrestling/massage
approach to intimacy with humorous crotch-grabbing turning into incidental
erections & then JO or fellatio. The TRUST factor needs to be extremely high
& usually this happens with friendships that have been built
over a long time period (often years). Also, -guys low on the scale don't
usually initiate such contact, other than drop hints to get a massage (after
you've already crossed that bridge). They may initiate wrestling (because
they've learned it leads to massage more often than not). AND - If these guys
use alcohol recreationally - then remember that the diminished inhibitions
resulting from it will increase the chances of an intimate encounter by a
whopping +70%! After you've achieved
the point where a best-bud trusts you to satiate his balls, -it's not uncommon for your bud to
nonverbally seek the sort of situation where that happens more often. If he
wants to drink until he's buzzed or drunk around you (especially if alcohol
helped him into the sack with you previously) then this is a strong signal.
Some guys need to be able to "blame it on the booze". When
affectionate contact is done light-heartedly with lots of respect -- it builds a deeper, intimate
friendship that is raw-male in it's approach. Guys low on kinsey's scale rarely engage in
kissing beyond the friendly-forehead-peck, etc. Their acceptance of a trusted
bud between the sheets is generally a realization that a hand (etc.) other
than their own always feels waaaay better on the cock when needing to empty
pent up sexual
tension; - & that their buddy's discretion is the very definition of
trust. Such guys are cautiously open about getting fellatio (a BJ) -but
generally won't be interested in reciprocating the "favor".
They enjoy being pleasured -only by an extremely well trusted buddy, -but generally don't choose to be
the one who takes the initiative to do the
pleasuring because they don't find dicks particularly attractive (maybe even the
reverse). They tend to deeply appreciate their best bud's willingness
to "do the deed" for them --even though they don't share the same
enthusiasm about returning the favor. NEVER try to coerce
a guy low on Kinsey's scale to do back to you what you do to him! He's not
interested in having a dick in his mouth & if you push the matter - he'll
push you away. It's simply who they are;
-And there are lots of guys who are at that point (Kinsey
1-2's). Also, making it clear that you're absolutely opposed to the
act of the ass-fuck because "You'd Never Bitch a Bro" creates a
psychological-assurance that this encounter is not a "gay thing".
By openly rejecting AnalSex, you disconnect yourself from the predominant
"Gay Stereotype" and by extension - you disconnect your buddy from it
-even while being treated to an orgasm by you. Let your Bro know that
"THIS is what puts the BEST in BEST-FRIENDS without either guy being turned
into a Bitch".
G0YS who are higher up on Kinsey's scale tend to respond quicker to physical
contact & are generally more open to the more mutual expressions of
affection like caresses & deeper forms of physical contact. The higher ranges
2+ on Kinsey's scale is a transitory area where guys' sexual inclinations
increase to enjoy pleasuring the male body as much as being pleasured. The
exchange generally tends to be more mutual: 69'n & so forth -probably the
act that has Kinsey-3+ written all over it. Loving one of these guys is
generally more rewarding in the long term because they can love you back in
the same manner.
Also, some guys begin to
'slide' on the location on Kinsey's scale once they open up to the affection &
pleasures of physical intimacy with a buddy, -or re-evaluate what they think is
sensual based on their experience. One g0y - a Kinsey-6, -wrote & told
how he'd always been interested in the 'big picture' -so full body contact & frot
had been his focus --until one day he saw a video of a guy getting blown -&
the recipient's reaction to it. After trying it on a long time frot-buddy, -the
BJ became part of his intimacy-toolbox (but only if he knew a guy well). That
level of intimacy demands TRUST -because LOVE WORKS NO ILL and no buddy
worth his balls would put another guy in danger of disease simply in order
to 'get off'. Love/Friendship ALWAYS considers the other guy physically
guys open up to an easier-going mindset about physical contact with
another buddy when they realize that all the voices society uses to
chant the lie that male/male intimacy is somehow shameful --are all full
In other words: Guys who are victims of the lie are paranoid that people
might suggest that they have intimate male/male friendships. If suggested,
-they'll deny it as if it's a mortal sin. Guy's who have been freed
from society's lying commentary on such relationships generally blow-off
such insinuations with a "Do I Give a Fukk!" attitude (at least
as far as caring what other peoples opinions are in such matters). They
know that the hug, hand-shake & hand-job are all merely skin on skin
contact with the only difference being where the touch is applied;
messages society tries to use to control people by trying to induce
counterfeit 'shame'. Free minds know that friendships are
ultimately about respect, trust & love; -And that the term
"Best" in "Best-Friends" has always had an implied
sexual connotation! Truly free guys know
that it's fukk'd up if they're more comfortable with the contact of a
favorite pet than they are w. the respectful affections of their best
Lots of G0YS have friends that we wish were more
intimate. If it's gonna happen, you need to show the initiative & be
patient as the relationship deepens. The fact is, that most guys are
g0ys (& I say that meaning that they copulate with women & know a
few guys they'd like to cuddle-till-they-cumm with), but not all g0ys are
attracted to women at all. Levels of attraction to other guys
varies greatly depending on a number of dimensions. There are some factors
that come into play with this. One is the "close buddy factor". Another can be
the "emotional support" factor. The next is the "trust" factor and finally the
last is the inhibition factor (that all the others influence).
alcohol can also influence inhibitions which is the reason many guys drink when
they go out. That door swings both ways<pun>; -& lots of guys do things when
they're intoxicated that they
want to do but simply can't while sober (usually do to self-confidence issues). The ideal relationships are built on sobriety - but if your buddy
chooses to get hammered & then gets friendlier than usual; - I'd suggest you
fast-track the process & be the best friend he could have when he sobers up
(taking the time to explain to him what "g0y" is all about & why it's not a "gAy"
thing). Whether sober or sloshed, -every one of my g0y relationships
started out as friendship with a so-called "str8" guy! This has led me
to believe that "Kinsey-0" men are a true minority & statistical
continues to lean toward that conclusion.
Having said that, let me
highlight the primary
INHIBITION FACTOR. Most men -- see the very act of
PENETRATION as being the role of a Woman. This is because a
woman is DESIGNED to be penetrated because of her genital-physiology.
Therefore, these same men see *anyone* who would engage in penetrating a man to
be a potential THREAT to a man's sense of masculinity (I.E: That 'fag' wants
to phuck me up the arse -- & hence use me sexually as one would a woman).
ArseFukk'rz are dangerous & do not ever deserve your trust. Disarm any hint of
such threats; -& what fills in the gap is TRUST.
Suggestions for removing such "threats":
The fastest, most
efficient way to establish the nature of your sexual AVERSIONS is to take early
opportunities to sleight any talk of arse-sex. When in conversation, the
news - wherever you hear it, swing negative on the subject in a way that your
peers know that the very thought of it you find reprehensible. You don't
have to tie the issue with orientation - because social stereotypes about the
"gay male community" will do that for you. In other words: When society at
large hears you bash AnalSex as a "disgusting, sick-o, perverse, etc." act;
-It will generally presume that you are not gAy-friendly. (Which is fine - being a g0y).
Other comments that have a lot of power are along the lines of, "I love my
friends too, but I don't want to play in anyone's ass...". Or, "There's
something wrong with a group of people who's main focus in their relationships
is to get into somebody's arsehole; - Disgusting!". You won't need to say
"gay-him" or "homo-anyone". Society's biases (fueled by the gay-male community
itself) will presume the connection between hating anal-fetish & not being "gAy
Meanwhile -- guys who are nearby will immediately know that you're absolutely
not a "closet arse-pounder". This assurance is a big-deal when you
find yourself in the position of cuddling with (& rubb'n on) another dude.
He'll relax knowing you're not scoping his arse ... & if he's g0y, he'll
probably get turned on faster being in the warm presence of a guy with a clearly
defined, masculine moral center. Meanwhile, anal-permissive-gay-guys who are scoping
arse will take your comments personally - even though you haven't mentioned
"orientation" at all! The technique is called "Guilting by ASSociation".
As trust forms the basis of relationships - inhibitions fall. As
inhibitions fall, intimacy rises. The handshake evolves to a hug that evolves to
wrestling, which evolves to mutual respect & admiration of the other -- & the
disarming of false pride (someone wins a wrestling match, & someone loses, --
but both guys stay friends). Engaging in physical contact like friendly
wrestling opens possibilities for more intimacy -- usually sustained contact
such as massage.
Contact, especially massage, triggers endorphin release such as serotonin &
oxytocin. These natural drugs imprint on the brain of the guy & escalate the
trust factor. Obviously, the person everyone trusts the most, is themselves.
What level of intimacy does a person have with themselves at the core of their
being? Sexual (Masturbation is someone of the same gender you
intimately trust being very intimate with you because you know they'd never hurt
you & it is gonna feel good). I can't tell you the number of times a
friendship with a so-called 'str8 dude' escalated the trust factor & got to the
point where the guy became receptive to genital stimulation. Why? Because
through relationship building, closeness progressed to the point where massage
progressed to removal of shirt, pants & socks, etc. Once massage becomes a
regular dimension of your friendship, even the other dude will realize that
you're both extremely close, & he will usually take the steps to pull the blinds
& lock the door before climbing into the sack w. you for a good rub down. He
knows you're "not gay", but he also knows other people wouldn't
understand if they walked in on the two of you with him undressed w. -- arms,
legs, & torso draped over you (or in bed with you). It's important to stay
light hearted & playful ... wrestling & gentle grabbing (all in jest of
course) will lower remaining inhibitions even further. With my last
"conquest" (said tongue in cheek because we're still great friends & I'd do
anything for the guy in emergency), the climatic event occurred during a
wrestling match where we were both in our skivvies. I got him pinned
really good & he sprouted wood (hey, a poem). I told him is wasn't polite
to point & then he really went nuts trying to escape as it continued to inflate.
I joked with him telling him he wasn't allowed to use it as a club to win our
wrestling match. Meanwhile I made sure to keep the pressure on his crotch
as I kept him pinned.
I continued to laugh, joke & treat it like a
non-event. I told him that it looked like his pet python wanted to get
"petted". While smiling & making good eye contact, I reached down with my
free hand & gave his dick a gentle squeeze while I slid the heel of my hand
along his erection toward the base of his balls. Carlos was laughing,
thrashing & trying to get away & then began to say "fag"-this & "gay"-that, all
while I just kept it lighthearted.
When the guy you're wrestling has an
erection & is calling you names, the obvious come-back is something like:
"You're calling me gay-names but you're the guy with the hard-on? Me
thinks the pot is calling the kettle 'black'!" This is what I told Carlos
as we kept laughing & wrestling. As he continued to 'grow', I commented
that his pet really looked like he'd grown since I'd seen him last. Carlos
was really straining trying to break free of my pin & began calling me
"gay-epithets" again. I told him, "Still insulting me? That's it ...
you're cumming, dude!", I laughed I reached back down & with the heel of
my hand I gave him a few slow strokes while he laughed, writhed & yelled.
Within a few seconds, his hardening shaft climbed right out through the fly in
his boxers. "Looks like your python has a mind of his own!", I joked -
being friendly like it was a non-event. He just continued
yell-laughing, & thrashing. Carlos is really well endowed & as soon as he
was hard, it was easy to get a grip & use his foreskin to stroke him with.
I just joked & said there was nothing there that I didn't have or hadn't done
myself. Then I stroked him away. Once that started, he didn't last
90 seconds until he shot -- hard. The last minute or so his struggling
really subsided because, you see, what he was feeling felt extremely good.
I kept my attitude very upbeat & non threatening as I laughed & stroked away; --
letting him know that "I knew" that uncut guys were at the mercy of their dicks
& the fact that it was me who got him off was meaningless -- it could have as
easily been a strong wind I reasoned out loud! I also let him know that he
was a real machine & probably intimidated lots of guys. The lesson is,
never condemn, criticize or condescend.
Keep in mind: Carlos & I had been friends for a couple of YEARS before our
play evolved to this. However, once he knew that he could be
completely open around the dude who treated him better than any other guy did
... he began to make little "truth or dare" bets that usually ended up with him
getting his proverbial 'rocks off' at my, eh, hands. Carlos is "straight",
but he trusts his very best friend to jack him off (himself) & he also trusts
his second best friend (me) with the job of "de-stressing Carlos". We
have a great 'g0y' friendship with a level of intimacy that most people would
never believe -- especially those who think they "know" us. When something
really good, or bad happens, -- I'm the one he calls first. Why?
Because he knows that of all the people on the planet, - I really love him.
Not gAy ... g0y!
Part of educating a
guy about being a g0y is to make some simple observations to show him how
harmless being with another guy physically really is:
A) It's all skin, Bro. Whether
face, feet or foreskin, -- it's all just skin on skin.
B) Nothing I haven't got; Nothing I haven't done. Basically: I'm
a guy with a dick & I know how to make it happy.
C) News Flash: Jacking-off is sex with someone the same gender as you - that you
trust intimately. Hello!
D) It's not gAy ... nobody got arse-phucked. That shit doesn't even enter
E) Do you think I'd ever do anything to hurt you or your reputation Bro? I
luv ya: Trust, eh?
F) Guys love to cum & I kinda like watch'n ya lose control. ...Not a big
deal. (Combine with B above)
G) It's kewl ... a guy thing. N0T gAy ... "G0Y"! It's total respect
bro. You trust me, right? Relax.
H) It's a sad day when people routinely get closer to animals than they do their
friends. Roll over Rover.
And keep in mind: These are
not techniques to seduce str8-guys (Kinsey-0's). This is "verbal sparring" to relax a
g0y who may be confused about what he's feeling & the stigmas he feels attached
to male/male bonding because of "gAy" press.
Guys Seducing Guys:
One of the
reasons it's fairly easy to seduce a guy (even if you're a guy) - is because
most guys don't object to it happening to them as long as it's done in the
'right tone'. After all -- it's a
"friendship" that grows closer & less formal over time. Time is
usually a major
element -- because after all, -this IS A REAL FRIENDSHIP & they take TIME!
DUH! See, unlike the guy trying to pick up a lady with a few smart-arse
lines ... a dude seducing another dude will make a close friendship integral to
the last stage -- physical intimacy. Depending on the personalities of
each guy and the position on Kinsey's scale -- the amount of time this takes is
a wide variable. Also -- the more attractive YOU ARE as a guy plays a
major role. Of course -- anticipating the needs of a guy & being there to
fill in the gap is a massive way of letting a guy know that you care about him
as a friend. Actions speak volumes louder than words. Got a friend
who's going thru a financial hard time? Leaving that $20 sticking out of
the door jamb to be discovered after you leave is a great way to let
your buddy know you care. After all -- in a world where people love money;
-leaving it - lets your friend know where he falls in your eyes. It's
non-verbal & powerful. You do love your friend more than money, right?
Physical affection is the key
hurdle to get over. Once you're
wrestling & you've managed to get massaging on the guy ... the process is at top speed.
Hanging out turns into staying overnight & sharing the same bed. Being
stripped down in the same bed is a step away from gentle wrestling involving
some light tickling & joking-groping. This process takes time -- seldom
happening in a single session. It needs to feel spontaneous & once you're this
closely bonded to another guy -- he'll eventually let you do what he alone is
trusted to do with his masculine locus: The "JO". This is why the
trust factor needs to be 2nd to none. And after the guy shoots under the
guide of your accepting hand, etc; -- The act will create a bond because of the
neurotransmitters released in the process. It's very important that
you be ready to explain what "g0y is" soon after -- to comfort the guy who's
been brainwashed about same-sex attractions being "bad" his whole life. No
camp ... & no arse-phuck means g0y -- not gAy. Two buddies helping
each other pump out a wad is the closest bonding experience that best friends
can share. Be naked without shame & he will be too.
Hooking up with other guys can be
fast-tracked by taking a couple of steps.
- Join a gym. Nuff said about the
advantages of that...
- Join a 'have-a-good-time' sports team
-like softball (etc.).
- It gives you a very valid excuse
to "get out & about".
- It gets you around other guys
(+50% of which will be g0y).
- It's more about having fun than
- Most teams get social after the
game (visit pubs, etc).
- Gives you something to invite
other guys to do, too.
- If your team is good, you'll
travel to tournament games (really gets you away)!
- Be the "Designated Driver".
You stay sober & wait for the guys you're driving for to get
"friendly" as the party works 'em over. Lots of
opportunities arise to be friendly right back at them! Over time,
you'll figure out who the g0ys are & that they were around you all the
while --just not obvious. It's a GUY-thing; -NOT a gAy thing!
there are no g0ys
where I live!
Wrong! G0YS are
everywhere. They generally don't advertise by participating in
"gay" events not do they make any efforts to put on the
affectations of freaks. Hence they don't walk with a lisp, etc.
Consider utilizing the
suggestions given above -especially those on the Potential Meeting
Sites list. And the hard truth may be that you need to
change/improve you before you end up discovering "who the g0ys